Don't Flatten Hedgehogs Pleads David Dimpleby

Written by Auntie Jean

Monday, 27 October 2014

image for Don't Flatten Hedgehogs Pleads David Dimpleby
Please understand our instincts

Sir David Dimpleby, the famous naturist has appealed to drivers to take care when round shaped spikey animals cross the road and to try to avoid driving over them. According to a survey among drivers, most people think that hedgehogs are flat animals due to finding hundreds of flattened ones on the roads of Great Britain.

The hedgehogs curl up into a ball when approached by cars and stand still. This inevitably causes them to be run over the cars and to assume an uncharacteristic flat shape like a brown Frisbee after being killed.

Hedgehogs are friendly and useful when alive, eating garden pests and pruning roses with their sharp spines.

Police have advised drivers not to swerve around any kind of hedgehog in case of accident, but if a safe opportunity arises to transfer a live (round) hedgehog to a sanctuary, warning triangles should be placed at a distance of 10 metres and 20 metres behind the car and a reflective jacket worn. The hazard warning lights should then be switched on and the hedgehog may be placed in a comfortable transport cage with a supply of fresh slugs and water.

Flat hedgehogs are usually dead round ones and it is invariably too late to rescue them or swerve to avoid them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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