You remember Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter? He was snorkeling in chest deep water when he got stung through the heart by a maniacal and emotionally disturbed stingray and died. Well from now on you don't have to fear dangerously deranged stingrays any longer as we now present a new product called Dingrays which protects you from harmful rays.
Yes Dingrays is a technological breakthrough in sunscreen application. With the help of turtle shells Dingrays allows you to be protected all day from both the harmful rays of the sun as well as the harmful rays of the sea. Just spray on a light coating of Dingrays all over your body and you will be set. The scientific breakthrough allows Dingrays to form a protective shell over all the sprayed areas which cannot be penetrated by stingray stingers.
Better yet, you do not have to reapply Dingrays until after your next molting as the hard shell surface cannot be washed or scraped off.
All this for just $19.99. But wait! Call now and you will get a second bottle of Dingrays for absolutely nothing. But we're not through. If you call the number below in the next thirty seconds you will get a brand new Mercedes S Class Coup which comes with its very own annoying back seat driver for absolutely no money more.
Just call 1-800-555-RAYS to order your bottle of Dingrays.
Warning: Applying Dingrays on your joints could leave yourself immobile until your next molting.