Scientist Says "Sticky" Dark Matter Influenced Presidential Election

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Thursday, 9 February 2017

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Has sticky dark matter affected the recent election and other world events?

We can't see it or measure it directly, but scientists say they can detect the decay of dark matter around the universe and on earth, especially in Washington DC.

It's a new type of dark matter though that has been discovered around Washington DC, and it's called sticky dark matter. This sticky dark matter emits more of a certain particle that is thought to affect the creation of multiple realities.

So how can this dark matter affect a presidential election?

To explain the science behind the theory, we talked to Dr. Stu Nace at NASA's Langley Research Center in Hampton, Virginia. Nace was the first to theorize about and detect the existence of sticky dark matter, even before regular dark matter was beginning to be accepted by modern science.

Nace is passionate about his work and became more and more animated as he explained dark matter to this reporter.

"So dark matter is something we can't see, but we think it makes up a good part of the unaccounted for mass in the universe, and that makes all of our theories work. Also when we look in areas of the universe where we expect there to be more dark matter, we are seeing more evidence of these subatomic particles that are probably the result of the decay of dark matter."

"The three types of particles we can detect have predictable behaviors, or spin. Left, top and right spin. Right spin is the most interesting, it lasts longer and the particles actually seem to exist in multiple universes at the same time, and these right-spin particles, or conservatrons, can affect our experience of the universe. So, yes the recent presidential election is but one of many world events that could be influenced by conservatrons from the decay of sticky dark matter."

So are we experiencing an alternate universe right now, this reporter asked.

"Well, I would say probably, only because things don't feel right in the world, but we have no way of knowing because we can't see into the other realities--yet. But it does raise many interesting questions, such as: Do alternate universes continue to exist if the conditions that created them change? Does that reality cease to exist or does it merge with the original, or even with another parallel reality? Can the alternate realities interact with one another? I think probably they do. OK, let me give you a visual analogy, picture these alternate realities as soap bubbles, expanding, splitting, merging and popping in and out of existence. Just as the soap bubbles shape and tug at each other, so do these alternate planes of existence, and if enough sticky dark matter is around, the effects start to shape our realities."

Scientists around the world are now scrambling to learn more about conservatrons and their effect on the space time continuum.

Sean Camp, director of research at the National Centre for Space and Science in Dillonshire, England, says this is the most exciting time he can remember since he was a young student.

"If Ernest Rutherford were here to see what we have built on the foundation he laid for us, he would surely be proud. It may take another generation yet to learn all the secrets of sticky dark matter and conservatrons, but we could be on the cusp of time travel, or moving to alternate universes at will, only time will tell."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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