Written by antoine

Sunday, 22 February 2015

image for Limpets May Not Stick Around
Rubbing sailors along the keel of this may have hurt

Scientists have identified the 'teeth' of limpets (shellfish - see image - but not really because we could only source an image of a Lembit not a limpet) as the strongest organic material in existence. They are stronger than Kevlar, which is used to make body armour.

Limpets use these teeth to attach themselves to surfaces and they can withstand battering from hurricane winds. But the new discovery has worried some conservationists. One such body is PMSL. (Protection of Molluscs, Scallops and Limpets)

Michelle Tuff (PMSL Chair) gave us this reaction: "Limpets have a long and proud naval history. If they hadn't attached themselves to the old clippers and tall ships then discipline on the high seas would have been severely eroded since they were the main instrument of pain when sailors were 'keeled and hauled' (dragged along the keel of a ship rubbing their body against the rough limpet colonies).

"Imagine just how ineffective keel and haul would have been if they just bound a terrified sailor hands and feet and pulled him under the ship and along the timber of the keel and back. How would that have been useful? So yay for the limpet history I say. The probably are the reason that Britain had an empire."

Even in modern times limpets are vital. Limpets play a very important part in the ambience of boat-yards and ports. I'm sure you'll agree that boats look much more 'boat-ey' if they have limpets on them. Whales too, look much more 'whale-y' if they have limpets stuck to their chin.

Mass harvesting of limpets could result in making whales look clean-shaven and CGI-like and boats looking too clean."

I imagine this story will run and run. Or may stay completely still and be immovable.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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