The iPhone TaskForce Sets Sail From Tokyo

Written by Frank Michaels

Monday, 3 March 2014

image for The iPhone TaskForce Sets Sail From Tokyo
iPhone case wine decanter

Tokyo (STT News) - A new iPhone case that is set to take the world by storm was unveiled today at the Smartphones Rule the World hardware convention in Tokyo. It's called the 'TaskForce' and it has already pushed aside the much-heralded TaskOne case that had been visciously promoted for weeks in advance.

Dustin Dweeber of Phonecuts described their new item for STT News; "It is everything all in one case. In fact, this may well replace wallets, purses, pants pockets and closets as people will no longer need them."

The TaskForce case includes quite an assortment of gadgets and tools, including the standard holding area for cash and cards, loose change and various forms of identification to prevent assault by law enforcement.

But beyond that, it also encloses (but is not limited to) a filled one gallon spare gasoline container (just in case you're ever in Atlanta during an ice storm), an emergency food ration supply to keep you fed for three full days, make-up holder, two pairs of designer sunglasses, corkscrew w/750ml decanter of Cabernet Sauvignon, three pc. crystal wine stemware, a portable ATM cash dispenser, disposable port-o-potty and a US Army K-9 (trained in Afghanistan) to guard your iPhone with all the intensity you would need to assure that if it was ever stolen, the thief would be ripped to shreds before taking their first selfie.

Dweeber went on to mention that somewhere inside this case, there is also a phone... but who needs one of those, anyway?

The Phonecuts TaskForce goes on sale this Friday for $87.99 (USD) and should be available along the banks of the Amazon by the end of the month.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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