6 Life Hacks Every Pirate Should Know

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Saturday, 11 February 2017

image for 6 Life Hacks Every Pirate Should Know
A pirate makes repairs using duct tape and zip ties.

Argh Matey! Here are some life hacks all of you seafaring scurvy dogs should know:

1. DIY Flamethrower with a lighter and can of WD40
Use the straw attachment to direct the stream of WD40 away from your body, depress nozzle and ignite with your lighter - Be warned, this hack will burn down your entire house or ship!

2. Use a tennis ball to keep your wooden leg from wearing out

Don't wear out the heel of your expensive custom peg leg, cut a hole in a tennis ball and place over end of peg--easy and cheap.

3. 1001 uses for zip ties
Zip ties can be purchased or plundered in all sizes from tiny delicate ties to massive zip ties that are six feet long. They're useful for temporary and permanent ship repairs, securing gear on rough seas, and you can even restrain prisoners or unruly guests with zip ties.

4. Duct tape hacks
Just like zip ties, duct tape can be used for a variety of purposes. If carefully crafted you can make a beer mug or even a life raft out of the material. Small and large repairs to your ship as well restraining prisoners are common tasks pirates complete with duct tape.

5. Remove blood stains from your clothes with hydrogen peroxide
Nothing kills the joy of vanquishing ones enemies like finding their blood all over your fancy threads. Despair not friends--put drops of hydrogen peroxide on the blood and blot off with a rag or paper towel. Continue until it no longer foams and blood is invisible, then launder your clothes as usual and done!

6. Get around pesky website notices that you've read your 10 free articles for the month
A savvy pirate surfs the net to keep up on the news but anyone who calls themselves a pirate refuses to pay for all of those subscriptions to do so. When you reach your limit of free articles, just open a different browser and start your next 10 free articles. For example if you just used your 10 free articles for the month on Google's Chrome browser, now open up Firefox, Opera, Safari or whatever other browser(s) you have installed and start your next ten free articles. If you have a smart phone or multiple computers you can also switch between devices to get past the limit of free articles. Tip: Don't copy and paste the URL, sometimes you can copy the limit notice and blocker with it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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