Digester's Reader - Pretty Meat

Funny story written by Frank Michaels

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

image for Digester's Reader - Pretty Meat
Pretty Meat looks like meat... but is it really?

As health and energy foods are becoming increasingly popular for a culture completely obsessed with 'self', this edition of Digester's Reader has a look at one of the newest additions that could take the market by storm: Pretty Meat.

With the cost and availability of meats that we have known for so long now headed in opposite, and less than pleasing directions along with the recent UN mandate to convert western diets to items such as mealworm and cockroach larva, Pretty Meat seems to have arrived just in the nick of time.

Spokesperson, Cheeky Hauteur for Narcissist Foods LLC of Mirror Lake, Oregon, introduces their newest product like this, "Pretty Meat is exactly what is says it is... a very visually appealing substance that is clearly meaty in appearance. It is also a one-meat-thing-fits-all option that allows one to use it in most any dish without risking the problems of attaining too much protein or flavor."

Narcisist Foods' website also describes their new product as being perfect for those who need their belly filled without the problems that come with excessive nutrition. People wishing to remain skeletonly lean so as to make their many selfies so much easier, are invited to try Pretty Meat.

"Pretty Meaters are usually well under recommended weight tables." added Ms. Hauteur.

Also, the FDA has approved this as a full dietary supplement for those on limited incomes and who can no longer afford to purchase things like hamburger, poultry or pork. Pretty Meat goes on to mention that their product carries the minimum daily requirements for those on fixed incomes and really don't have much use to try and live longer anyway.

Pretty Meat is now available in most grocery stores and can usually be found in either the paper goods section or next to the bottled water.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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