The latest report from our weeki leeks correspondent, the mole in royal circles.
When asked about his contribution to comic relief, William (playboy) Windsor replied in jocular fashion. "I wiped my arse on last weeks Beano." Apparently he still has it delivered every week along with the Dandy and to think that someday he might have the top job. Let us hope that he doesn't have the dreaded royal curse and is still pissing the normal colour
When asked about his wife's pregnancy, he mumbled something about two abortions and bringing a twelve pound foot to full term only to lose it a week later after it was born without an arsehole and ended up full of crap. Therefore one must assume that he is more than just a little apprehensive about the future heir to the throne.
One wonders just how many men will in few years time be able to say they have carnal konwledge of the English Queen or (knowing what public schoolboys get up to) maybe even the King. And, we'd all love to know who was responsible for the twelve pound foot. Join the club.
His sister in law purports to be able to cook and also to have written a book. Of course nothing was ever reported about her first encounter with un-sliced bread. She almost hacked off three fingers with a serrated blade bread knife before it was wrenched from her clawlike grasp by a well meaning menial. The old thing should stick to what the so called landed gentry females do best, getting laid.