Minnie the Mermaid, in her seaweed bungalow at the bottom of the sea, was shocked to read on NYDailyNews.com on July 3 that she doesn't exist. But there it was! That glaring headline: "Mermaids, like zombies, not real, say govt. experts."
She trembled as she drank a glass of sea water and read these words in the article: "The National Ocean Service has declared that the mythical creatures do not exist after Animal Planet aired a seemingly realistic TV show in May about the half-human, half-fish sea creatures."
Then Minnie sputtered and screamed, "I'm close to 90, and they're telling me I don't exist. Glug, glug, glug -- this is an outrage."
Later that day, though, a visit from her friend, SpongeBob SquarePants (who brought along his pet snail, Gary), helped her to calm down. Gary gave Minnie a boost when he told her she looked absolutely spectacular in her new Juicy Couture bathing suit of sparkling green.
But SpongeBob had even more comforting words: "Have you ever met anyone who believes anything that the government says? C'mon. Fuhgeddaboutit."
So she did.
