Written by walter

Sunday, 12 February 2012

A glorified bunny, in Stockholm, knows how to herd the sheep. Additionally, a sheepdog breeder says the sheep seem to pay the rabbit minder a lot of respect.

As a human-interest story, there are 700,000 You-Tube hits, but there is a chilling truth behind this story: why the sheep allow a little rabbit to move them around? Can we compare the other flock, people, with the literal sheep here?

Now, the question is who to blame, the farmer, the bunny or the flock? We know what the farmer's interest is: ultimately sending the sheep to the slaughterhouse. Secondly, we know that the dog, man's best friend, does everything to simply please his master. Thirdly, the only party that is genuinely honest in this group is the sheep. Of course, they know nothing about their horrible destiny.

Undoubtedly, in this ridiculous show, the sheep is perfectly content, provided it is fed and protected! Compensation is straightforward: fleece, milk and, meat. If we call this contentment, then sheepyness is tantamount to happiness.

In democratic societies, the sheep are allowed to freely graze in the pastures, but need to observe the rules set forth by the shepherd, but in undemocratic nations, the sheep are blindfoldedly driven to the pasture. In both societies, the shepherds, including the Pope, need to carry a shepherd's crook!

In democratic societies, when time comes for the finale, the sheep are first rendered unconscious, then carotid artery and jugular vein are cut to let the blood drain, causing death, but in undemocratic societies, the previous method, fit for operating rooms, cannot provide 'Halal' meat.

First, the animal is forced down on one side, while the butcher is required to face a certain geographical latitude and longitude. He can use a sharp knife; if not available, glass splinter, sharp stone etc can do the same! Once the verbal rituals done, two men must firmly hold the animal's legs in order to restrain its movements. Then, the butcher slits the skin below the throat to let the blood flow while the heart is still pumping. Halal meat is achievable if the heart is kept pumping longer. Ironically, it is the stress or rather the terror that produces dark meat not the gradual blood letting.

Now it is time to sever the filaments between the axis vertebra c2 and c1, which must be done patiently. If you see the animal revealing it teeth, don't take it for anger; the animal is expressing its gratefulness for being killed, according to cult teachings! It is not a sign of extreme pain ever felt by a live animal! It is the animal's way of smiling! Nonetheless, the cult believes the member is doing the animal a favor by killing it. When shish kebab is served, and belching begins, it is time for the cult member to call forth a 'halal' wife of several wives, submissively offering her ample buttocks to her lord as a sub-human species classified a little higher than the slaughtered sheep.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Kebab

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more