When you want to class up a magazine, nothing says "class" like a good dirty limerick. So we proudly present a few of them. What's that, you say? They're too blunt and could use subtler innuendo? As they go along, the meter becomes increasingly weak? Oh well, at least they're funnier than Isaac Asimov's.
There once was a lad from Kentucky
Who never could seem to get lucky.
As he beat off again
He said, "I never can win--
Even my priest wouldn't fuck me."
There once was a lady from China
Who was fond of her enormous vagina;
As she fingered her pie
She said with a sigh,
Any other cunt would seem minor.
There once was a whore from Australia
Whose talent never would fail ya,
Her tits sagged a bit,
She smelled worse than shit,
But, man, she could suck a whole trailer!
A fine Scotsman named Decker
Was famed for the size of his pecker
Such was his erection
That if he wanted some action
He didn't have to wait long to peck her.
A young lady from Belfast
Only took it in the ast
When asked why this was
She said "It's because
My pussy just wore out so fast."
A hooker from Southern Minnesota
Had yet to make her monthly quota
She found an old wino
And offered a cheap blow
But alas, he hadn't an iota.
In Rome lived a pretty young nun
Who never minded some quick naughty fun.
She jerked off a priest
And even fingered her niece
But Sundays she was pure as they come.
Of all the hookers I've known
Jan was in a class of her own.
I gave her some cash
She took off in a dash
Before I even knew I'd been blown.