Gray-Hooded Gull at Coney Island: First Interview

Written by Gail Farrelly

Monday, 8 August 2011

image for Gray-Hooded Gull at Coney Island: First Interview
The gray-hooded gull is jealous of this bird's colorful finery!

It's a bird, it's a plane . . . No, it IS a bird after all. One rarely seen in the U.S. And it's been spotted hanging out in Brooklyn, New York -- at Coney Island.

Your correspondent, who is fluent in bird talk, met up with the sought-after seagull late at night on the beach, offered to share some Nathan's Famous French Fries with him, and was able to score an interview. Scoop of a lifetime! And by the way, the gull pronounced the Nathan's fries "fly-me-to-the-moon fantastic."

The bird confided that he had been disgusted with the number of birders from all over the country who were stalking him and tripping over each other in an attempt to take his picture. He dismissed them as birdbrains.

The gull's thought about his unique GRAY hood? He's tired of it and pronounced it too bland and boring. He's ready to move on to a hood of a different color and has been shopping around. He's checked out Armani, Barneys, and Saks Fifth Avenue. No luck so far.

The gray-hooded gull laughed as he related his favorite Coney Island moment. While riding The Cyclone, Coney Island's world-famous roller coaster, he had waited for the very highest point of the ride, then leaned out of the car and pooped on a group of hapless tourists. "Ready, Aim, Fire," he squawked with delight.

As midnight approached, the gull ended the interview, saying he was on his way to a Manhattan jazz club, one featuring a guitarist who is rumored to sound just like his idol -- the late, great Charlie Byrd.

As he flew off into the dark night, the gull was singing softly. The tune? "Blue Skies," written by Irving Berlin in 1926.

It was a night to remember.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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