Written by Zachary Estle

Saturday, 9 July 2011


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image for Gay rights with a mystery man
The Church where the interview was held.

With all the conflicts in America today, it's hard to see tell what the biggest one is. Many say the up and comer is weed legalization, but for this particular spoof, I wanted to know what was number one right now. And that has to be gay marriage rights.

With so many people on both sides of this conflict it's easy to see how this has become a difficult movement in America. With Christian groups contesting gay rights and gay groups fighting for their freedom, it's become one of the favorite go-to debates for political figures across the country. But their has been one above the rest in terms of gay bashing. That is Westburo Christian church.

Suprising enough I got an interview with a Westburo church-goer, though he chose to remain nameless and it was through a locked door in a Westburo church bathroom. This is that interview:

ZE: How are you today Mr. X?

X: Good thank you and yourself?

ZE: Great actually, I just took a really good poo break and wow it was awesome, like really incredible. Seriously Micheal Bay should have directed this dump. Anywho, first question, how long have you been a Westburo man?

X: For seven years.

ZE: Great, and do you support their gay bashing?

X: Yes I do Mr. Estle, those queers need to be stopped.

ZE: Whoa hold on guy, we can't have such mean words here. Let's ask a calmer question now, how about what do you do for a living?

X: I make music.

ZE: very nice that must be really fun. So let's continue the tougher questions again. What's the beef you have with the homosexual community, is their a certain thing you don't like?

X: Yeah, they have sex with each other in the butt, it's barbaric.

ZE: I see. Do they have butt sex with you then Mr. X?

X: Of course not, I m not a qweer, fag, homo.....

ZE: Ok Mr. X thats quite enough thank you. So if they don't have butt sex with you and I'm assuming they don't with anybody else at Westburo, than I don't really see why your so passionate about this.

X: Its because they have sex in the butt with each other.

ZE: Yes Mr. X I'm aware of that but couldn't you just like, not watch them have butt sex. I mean, it's not like they're doing it in Central Park.

X: That's not the point, when I did my shows in England when I was singing I had many gay men in the audience, it was disgusting.

ZE: Hmm... Sure. So were you famous when you used to sing in England?

X: Well, yeah but what does that have to do with anything?

ZE: Nothing Mr. X, but I must ask everything I can about you. So were you on any billboards top one hundred list?

X: yes I was, many times.

ZE: So yeah I get that I'm not supposed to know who you are but if we were playing a game of 'Guess Who' I'd totally say your Elton John.

X: I am not Elton John, Mr. Estle, I assure you.

ZE: Really? 'Cause it makes sence to me if you were. I'm just wondering why you teamed up with Westburo Mr. John.


ZE: I fuckin' knew it. But why then, Elton, would you to that to your gay fan base? I mean jeez man, saying gays need to go to Hell? That's a bit harsh for some equality.

EJ: I'm tired of it Zach. Surely you get it. I was an icon of freedom and success despite being gay in a more judgmental time. You, a famous writer and magnet of ladies, mus understand the pressure of it all.

ZE: Naw I'm good, but the people want to know still, why an anti gay movement with Westburo? Their were other options. You have turned your back on a community that, like it or not, needed your support.

EJ: Your right ZE, I must return to it all. I can't run away from this for any longer. And I will put an end to Westburo church's movement. Thank you Zach for renewing my faith. I owe you anything. What would you like?

ZE: Well thanks for the appreciation, but really I'll just take another roll of toilet paper and a cigerette, 'cause the shit I took during this interview was amazing. Thanks for your time Mr. John.

Writers note: This is not to be disrespectful to Sir Elton John, however I really don't care if Westburo's feelings are hurt.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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