These are sad days for Ellen Bridgeport. She feels that her once beloved vibrator, who she affectionately named Bruno, no longer has the same sexual energy that he once did at the height of their relationship.
"It's just so frustrating", exclaimed an exasperated Bridgeport. "Things are just not the same between me and Bruno. I mean, this has been going on for a while now!
"I can remember when Bruno was so enthused about our lovemaking. When I walked into the room naked, he would just start buzzing like a honey bee stealing the honey out of Kim Kardashian's flower.
"In the spring time that is.
"He made me explode!
"In a good way.
He could never get enough of me. I can remember so many nights when I would have to say: "Stop Bruno! Stop! But he would always continue. He did not know the meaning of the word stop! He just kept on going!
"Maybe he kept on going because what I was actually saying was:
"Don't!
"Stop!
"Don't!
"Stop!
"Oh! God! Maybe that is why Bruno is so cold to me? I confused him! Oh God, this is just so horrible!
"I mean, I did want him to stop, but then again I didn't.
"Now when I push his buttons he just gives me the low battery light.
"I mean there is so many mornings that I have found him laying on the floor with the smell of another woman".
Unfortunately, Ellen Bridgeport's fears were realized when she woke up one morning to a note from her Bruno, informing her that he had run off with her husband's plastic vagina.
