The Politics of Race - A True Story

Written by Inhopeless

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Living in Britain as an ethnic minority (guess which one), it's kinda... well you know how. Luckily, for most of my life, I have not been on the receiving end of some treatment, but nonetheless, it is shocking to see something like this happen. Hell, it happened right on my lawn.

This is a conversation between a Liberal Democrat candidate, me, and my mother.

A backnote: He was canvassing for the UK's local elections, where you vote for people to run your local council. For example, I live in Digbeth, which is part of the Nechells local area for the City of Birmingham. The person that gets elected will represent Nechells in the city council. Anyway, here is a transcript - with notes.

Here is a transcript:

LD: Hello sir, did you vote last year?

Me: No.

LD: Why not?! Voting is an integral part of...

Me: I can't. (This means that I could be insane or a criminal or a youth - take your pick)

LD: Oh [crestfallen]. Is your parents home?

Me; Yes, they ARE home. [shouting upstairs] - HEY MAAA! MAAA! THERE'S A MAN AT THE DOOR!

Mum: What do you want to sell me today?

[from here on in, it is him talking to my ma]

LD: No no, sister! I want to buy your vote! Did you vote last year?

Mum: Yes, I did. [Lying - she never does]

LD: Ah, well, this year I am running in this area. Now I'm going to play the race card here. As an Asian person, like you sister, you can give me your vote.

[holds up photo of the Labour candidate]. She is a black, you know.

I went to the house over there [points to my grandma's friend's house], a black lady comes out shouting 'you Paki' abusing me and this and that [Lying. Not only is she not racist, she's wasn't in that day!].

I can count on your vote, right sister? All these blacks are racists [even though my next-door neighbours - on both sides - are black households], you know. Besides Nechells stretches to Small Heath, Sparkbrook [heavily Asian areas], so I'll have their vote. You'll vote for me yeah? Goodbye.

Mum: Okay, bye! [shuts door]. Inhopeless, that man is Gordon Brown's team?

[She's talking to me now]

Me: Labour? No, no ma! He's from the Liberal Democrats.

Mum: Liberty Party?

Mum: No, no Liberal Democrats. You know, Nick Clegg? The black lady - the picture he had - is Labour!

Mum: OH! What a rude man he was! The black lady will win because she's Labour.

Guess what? The Lib Dem candidate in the story was the 'Regional Officer for Equality and Diversity in the West Midlands Metropolitan County'.

I then told this story to my father. He said, "Is he smoking something? He's as ruthless as you are gay Inhopeless!" [I'm not. My father is just mean] "Why would we vote for him? Because he's from the same continent? He's relying on the fact that there are controlling blocks.

That is, within Asian communities in urban areas, if you appeal to a certain person, the rest of the community or family or whatever will follow because they think that he - usually is a he the matriarchal idiots - is always right. Maybe it is a good thing you're gay, eh?" I told him that he is right, but that I am not gay. I am not.

I'm fricking serious man. I don't have a girlfriend, okay, but I like girls! I'm not in denial!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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