More Slow Cooked Food for Slow Minded Folk

Funny story written by birbee

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

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Eggstra Special.............

Following the last installment of the ever-so infrequent series on 'Best Ways to Use Your Slow Cooker the Best' we can take great delight in providing further recipes to tingle your taste buds.


This is very much like Shortbread, but cooked in a much slower fashion. Using the same ingredients; white sugar, butter, and oatmeal flour (or plain white (wheat) flour if you prefer). This is a bit of a rogue recipe for a slow cooker as you have to do the mixing 'outside of the box' as it were, or prior to placing the ingredients into the cooker. As this can be done at normal speed, it means the finished product isn't Slow-Cooked Food in it's purest form, but it tastes good just the same.

Once the mixture is mixed. Place in the cooker at a medium-low temperature and cook for approximately three days, adding a couple of drops of water every eight hours to stop the mixture drying out too much and giving a lovely, slightly chewy, texture to the finished article.

Vege-Cheese Burgers

There are two methods for this recipe: one for the novice and one for the expert.

The novice can use two slow cookers and in the first can make the bread rolls to put the burgers in. Please see previous recipe delights for the ingredients and instructions on how to make the perfect fresh Garlic and Rosemary Ciabatta, ideal for this dish. The second slow cooker is for the vege burgers, and these can be straight from the freezer section of your local supermarket. Avoid using the one that Jamie Oliver advertises as he doesn't like vegetarian food and is therefore a bit of a prick.

Once the bread and the burgers are cooked (roughly a week and a half for the bread and four days for the burgers, dependant on what heat/time setting you use) simply combine the two together and you have the perfect summer, or winter, treat for all the family.

The second method uses just one Slow Cooker and is far more complex in it's nature and, thinking about it, we very much doubt if you are ready for this yet so the editors have decided to leave it for the time being.

Duck a l'Orange

The pièce de résistance. Go to your local lake or river or pond or anywhere where there are ducks present and steal one of their eggs. Make sure it is incredibly fresh, even if this means waiting for hours until you actually witness it being laid. Then hurry home and start creating.

Prior to your duck egg hunting mission, peel and segment an Orange. Remove the pips and squeeze as much of the juice from the Orange as you can. Then squeeze a bit more out for good measure and extra flavour. Then place the pips into the Orange juice to stop them drying out whilst you are hunting your Duck egg.

Upon your return, resplendent with your newly found bounty, place the egg and a couple of pips into a super-slow-cook slow cooker.

This Super-Slow-Cook slow cooker will need to have been adapted in a similar fashion to the one used for the ever popular Perpetual Roast Chicken Dinner recipe.

Add a small amount of Duck stock (or blood if stock cannot be found), some herbs and a carrot and set the cooker cooking at the slowest possible time/temp combination that is possible to possibly achieve.

With any luck, your Duck egg will hatch into a Duck. The Duck will grow and then die and then the dead Duck will be cooked to perfection at the same time the Orange pips grow into Oranges, fall off the newly grown Orange Tree and into the Duck stock/blood/juice.

Take the lid off the cooker and give it a quick stir and 'hey presto' the perfect seventies retro meal.

Next week, we'll show you how to make a Prawn Cocktail using an amphibious Slow Cooker.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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