Written by armfeetandtoe

Friday, 17 December 2010

image for Crematorium Attendants Monthly
The new atomic fired cremetorium at Crewe


And welcome the Christmas edition of our magazine.

In this issue, we will be looking at the gas bill and how to reduce it by using a wood burner when business is slow.

How to decorate a lamp shade with toe nails and what to do with the left over nuts and bolts.

Harry Burnice, attendant at Crowther crem has offered to cook your turkeys if your oven is a bit small. He only has room for 500 hundred, so first come first served.

The Annual dinner and dance at the Ealing Borough Council crematorium will be a special event this year. The oven will be lit by celebrity singer, "Dusty Ashes".

Mr Fingle, from Hounslow, has asked us to thank the attendant that cremated his father, "The gas went off and if your attendant had not had a gallon of petrol, it would have been a very sad day"

That's it for this edition, don't forget our motto:

"It's cold outside, but warm in here"

See you in the new year!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Death

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