Chapter 28: The Monkey Man Cometh

Funny story written by Jean Le Fete

Wednesday, 3 November 2010


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image for Chapter 28: The Monkey Man Cometh
An Ending? or a Beginning?

Jean Le Fete gazed morbidly at the orb as it bounced towards his hotel. He thought fleetingly of jumping out of the window, perhaps he would awaken from this nightmare within a nightmare, within a....the phone rang.

"Meet me at the laundry chute," a familiar sultry voice said, the phone clicked.

"Merde!" he cursed and threw the phone across the room and he cursed at himself for being so weak. Would he never cease to being attracted to women who tried to kill him?! Unfortunately his options continued to be slim, he went out the door.


EQ entered Mark Lowton's apartment cautiously, not sure what to expect after the shattered state he had last viewed his alter-ego in. Across the room he saw a dozen bottles of pink Chantilly Lace Pink Champagne littering the floor and next to them lay Mark Lowton, face down, but still breathing. E.Q. started in panic across the room, "MASTER!" A shadow passed behind him, he turned but was met on the forhead with a blast of an unopened Chantilly bottle.

"Peckerhead," said Monkey Woods under his breath as EQ collapsed next to Mark, "Never could hold his Chantilly. Sawasdee crup you stingy bastards!" With that Mark Lowton's ex-gunsel headed to a cabinet and pulled out a packet of C4 and a radio pack. Then he knew what he must do, he duct taped EQ, not in a gay way, to Mark. He put Mark's cell phone within reach of his nose on the table next to him. Then he headed for the basement of The Spoof.


"We have no time, it has been ordered to destroy all of us!" said #3, "It can tear down this building to reach you."
"But if he destroys all of us, who will write for the Spoof?" asked Jean.
"Are you really that naive? Or just stupid?" asked #3 incredulously, "Mark has already replaced everyone with clones."
JLF stared blankly.
"Have you ever wondered why I'm called #3 you dense dolt~!" she said with tears streaming down her face, "Now come on! I'm trying to save your life and if we hurry we might save the others too!"
"Does this mean..." said Jean gazing at her with a passion he'd never felt before.
"Yes!" she stopped, grabbed his face and kissed him, "Now shut the fuck up and follow me!!!"

With that the side of the hotel that had once been his room disintegrated into powder, knocking the two to the floor of the hallway.

"Into the laundry chute!" yelled #3 scampering to her feet and pulling open the door to the chute. She climbed in without hesitating and disappeared, Jean was just following when the Orb hit again blasting out the interior wall and entering the hallway. Jean felt the heat from its orange glow as it started to pull him with its tractor beam, but he felt a pair of hands grab his feet and pull him down the laundry shoot. When they reached the basement they fell into a pile of sheets.

"That will only slow it down for a moment," said #3 with a tense tremor in her voice. A cell phone rang and she pulled one from her pocket.

"No don't blow it just yet," she said calmly, "Monkey for gods sake not yet, I know how you feel, but...!!! Let me try to save the others while there is still time..." She closed the flip and turned to Jean.

"Can you take one more time travel my love?" asked #3 with a weak smile.

"What the hell else would I do," said JLF with a half grin.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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