Frequently Asked Questions

Written by kslaught

Sunday, 26 September 2010

image for Frequently Asked Questions
A Customer Support Rep

Here at The Spoof, we want your experience to be a satisfying one. Before reporting a problem to us, please review the following Frequently Asked Questions.

Your website appears to be down. What should I do?

Please do not call the Hotline. We are experiencing unusually heavy call volume, as always. Wait until the site comes back up, then log on and use the Simple Problem Reporting process to report the issue. (See below).

I can't find the Support section of the website.

Excellent! It is supposed to be challenging. That way, only those with 'real' problems will put in the time and effort to report them.

I reported a problem a couple of months ago, and have gotten no response.

If you reported a problem within the last six months, and have not received a response, do not be concerned. We are currently experiencing a backlog in Customer Support. Please be patient! Breathe!

I am getting 'Page Not Found' messages when I try to access your site.

Our automated trouble-shooting system has determined that the problem is on your end. Shut your PC down. Ask it calmly to reconsider the error of its ways, then reboot. That usually works.

I was trying to create my account, and received an Alert message: Captchya information not correct. What is 'captchya' information? I filled out all of the fields on the form.

Please do a search for 'captchya'on our WackyWiki page. We would do it ourselves, but we have better things to do. If you don't find anything there, return here and begin reading the next paragraph.

The word 'captchya' is a common Internet synonym for 'Last Name'. Your last name is invalid. It must be between six and ten characters and not contain any numerals. Just change your last name, and you should be able to create an account with no trouble at all.

I can't find anything funny on this site

You have no sense of humor. I can't help you. See a therapist.

How do I report a problem?

Do NOT send an email. Please use the Simple Problem Reporting form which is found in the Support section of the web site. You will need names and birthdates of all family members, plus a credit card and about three hours, in order to report a problem.

I was not able to submit the Simple Problem Report. The word verification letters kept changing from uMOroN to UmoROn. After three tries, I received a Security Code 123FU error message, was forced to reboot my PC and start all over.

That is a security feature. Unfortunately, we cannot research any issues without a Simple Problem Report. You may either give up now, or report the problem using our Customer Support hotline.

How do I use the Customer Support Hotline?

Dial 1-800-infaloop. Just follow the automated troubleshooting tips. Do NOT at any time press '0'. This will result in a low-voltage shock being delivered to your telephone.

Ignore the instruction to detach the mouse from your PC and stick it where the moon don't shine. We know you don't think it's funny, and are working to remove that instruction from the telephone tree.

At some point, you will begin hearing insipid music and be told every two minutes how important your call is to us. You have arrived at the 45 minute queue.

Our operators are highly trained former ice fishermen from South Korea. Once you reach a support rep, he or she will assist you in completing the Simple Problem Report, which you could have submitted on the website - had you been able to log in.

After you report the problem, you will be requested to answer the Customer Support Satisfaction Survey. You will not be permitted to log back on to the site until you complete the survey. Be patient, the operators do not speak fluent English. Each call is monitored, so your answers will be reviewed carefully for correctness. Incorrect answers may result in your account being assessed an 'inconvenience' charge.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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