Vince Cable is an Oompah Loompah!

Written by matthatt

Thursday, 23 September 2010

image for Vince Cable is an Oompah Loompah!

A contributing writer to "" has compared the lyrics from an oompah loompah song to Vince Cables impassioned speech, in an attempt to find parallels where he could twist the two disparate strands into one humorous chord.

The first line started as all ompah loompah songs do, 'OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO', so the spoof writer decided he would keep all of these in so as to make it recognisable.

The next line.

'I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU', that was OK, the spoof writer thought to himself, that almost fits the situation, as the world of banking is a puzzle to the majority of people.

So on to the next line.

'IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME', perfect, this will fit very well, as this is exactly what the banks and corporations are being tasked to do, heed what Mr Cable is saying.

The next line gets even more interesting and entertaining, 'WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS, EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS'. Perfect analogy, even though it fits the tone of Mr Cables speech, the spoof writer was unhappy with what he was finding, due to there being no actual way that he could parody anything, as it already was, but he persevered, on to the next line.

'WHAT ARE YOU AT, GETTING TERRIBLY FAT, WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT?' The parallels were coming thick and fast now, a quick look at the written transcript of the speech showed that Vince had actually said 'Why should good companies be destroyed by short-term investors looking for a speculative killing, while their accomplices in the City make fat fees?'

At this point, the friendly neighbourhood spoofer was starting to think that reality was having a spoof on him, as the next line of the LibDems speech was 'Why do directors forget their duties when a fat cheque is waved before them?' He also said 'Many firms say they are already being crippled by banks' charges and restrictions.' nicely answering the oompah loompah question 'WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT?'

It was now crystal clear to the humbled spoof reporter that Vince Cable had obviously re-written the oompah loompah song already, it was all there, the stating of the present condition, the forecast of what will happen if things continued in this vain and then finally 'IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR, YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO, LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO.'

The Spoof writer was defeated, there was nothing to parody, it was all too self evident, so he gave up on the idea and decided not to write the story after all.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more