Isle of Wight News - Newby residents fear for the life of Paul the psychic octopus

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Thursday, 8 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Newby residents fear for the life of Paul the psychic octopus
Little Billy Murray, last seen walking towards the vicarage holding hand with the vicar

Newby residents fear for the life of Paul the psychic octopus as Germans head to the Isle following their teams loss against Spain in the Semi-final of the World Cup this week.

The German team found out about Paul weeks ago and were very happy, in the beginning, with the predictions made by Paul. This is because he had Germany down to win every time.
UNTIL the Semi-final when he predicted Spain would win.

The German team did indeed lose and say it is because they were totally demoralized when they stepped out onto that field that day to commence play.

Having heard that Paul is in hiding somewhere in Newby, Isle of Wight, they have sent representatives to sniff him out.

Newby resident, Mrs. Millicent Molly Mayhew (65) is in a bit of a flap because Paul is in a barrel in her back yard.

She is putting out a plea using the Isle of Wight News to anyone who can offer Paul a really safe place to hide, to come forward, in secret of course, and take him to safety.

With tears running down her cheeks she explained how she had become attached to Paul during his stay in her barrel and she is definitely going to miss him. Although he did grab a camera from the hands of a photographer a couple of days ago. The photographer had a lucky escape.

Sure, he has a long reach, but never hauled in any of the little kiddies who poked him with long sticks.

Little Billy Murray, this years winner of the Marrow Growing Competition (see related story) is a frequent visitor to Millicents back garden. He enjoys helping her chuck the cod into the barrel for Paul, every 4 hours.

Locals had invited their local vicar to come and bless Paul. The vicar obliged and was told to stand really close to the barrel to give a good blessing.

As he got within twelve inches of the barrel, out flew a couple of tentacles, wrapping themselves around the skinny man, and Paul succeeded in pulling the screaming vicar inside the barrel.

Residents stood around applauding because they wanted rid of the vicar (see related story).

Little Billy Murray was so upset, reflexes kicked in, adrenalin pulsed through his veins and he successfully wrestled the vicar out of the vice-like grip of Paul.

Billy admonished the villagers for their disgusting behaviour and fiendish plan.

Billy was last seen walking towards the vicarage with a soggy, sobbing vicar.

Now people are more worried about little Billy Murray than they are about Paul the psychic octopus.

(Note - please excuse the omission of apostropes throughout this article. Lady Godiva has lost the use of hers AGAIN as well as her colon and other punctuation marks!)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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