Penelope Smythe, the charming and cute 11 year old star is fed up with only being in the Spoof magazine.
'Hardly anyone sees me there ' she wailed 'I want to be a major news story.'
'You'll have to kill someone if you want to have that darling' explained her mother.
'Is that all! I've got several people in mind, especially my foul Maths teacher. I'd love to shove a sum up his nose.'
'Really, darling. That's enough of that.'
'But there are some teachers I really like. My mate Albert Read, our Art Teacher for one. He's great fun. We can talk about anything in his classes as long as we produce good pictures and other things.'
'What other things might they be, Penelope?'
'Oh, bits and pieces.'
'Bits and pieces. What are you talking about?'
'You know stuff which can win a Turnip Prize.'
'That's the Turner Prize darling. Established to commemorate J.M.W. Turner, a great British landscape artist.'
'We don't do landscapes. We do objects from the natural world.'
'And you call that Art?'
'Of course. You have to use your imagination.'
'I imagine you do.'
'You won't be mocking me when I win the Turner Prize with things in my bedroom.'
'That's already been done, Penelope, by Tracey Emin.'
'She's over. I am part of a new movement, it's called Penny Art..'
'That's wonderful, darling. Now that's the way to become famous and get out of the Magazine section. Safer than killing your Maths teacher, as well.'
