Nighclub disaster up North

Written by FJ Camero

Monday, 31 May 2010

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Another stupid northerner out for a good time

So a friend of mine, Dino, asks me if I want to go Canoeing. I says sure but I've never heard of any nightclub called Canoeing. He says it's up North, past the highway, let's give it a try. Well I'm game for pretty much anything.

We hop in the Civic and away we go. After about two hours of driving, I'm not seeing any nightclubs. In fact, I'm not seeing anything but rocks and goddamn trees. My girlfriend, Veronica, is texting me telling me she's all horny and shit and when am I going to be home with the meat. I tell her we are clubbing up North and she freaks out and says she's going to cheat on me.

We can't find the goddamn nightclub anywhere, so we pull over at a gas station and ask this mental retard where Canoeing is. He says go North 10 minutes, turn left on this dirt road and you'll see the lake. Wow, I thought, a fuckin' nightclub on a lake, shit, that's good living. Babes dancing in Bikini underwear. That would make my penis stand straight up. I wish Veronica was with me so I could plow her in the bathroom.

Turns out there is no fucking' nightclub. We get to the place and this guy says yeah, here's your Canoe. It's a hollowed out goddamn tree! You're supposed to sit in it and go around in circles in the water while these things called mosquitoes suck the blood out of you. I'm so goddamn mad at Dino I could kill him. Here I am in my three piece Armani suit in the middle of goddamn nowhere, there are no chicks, drugs, no nothin'. Nightclubs up North, this is pure bullshit! Don't fall for it. And if you have a "friend" called Dino, kick him straight bowlin' balls.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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