Sarah Palin hires a winkologist!

Written by wordwaymike

Tuesday, 11 May 2010


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image for Sarah Palin hires a winkologist!
Palin's winkologist; This is Candy Wanda Trixie's

I was intrigued by the story of Palin's greased lightning rise from political obscurity, to the top rung of American politics during the run up to the last presidential election.

"From out of nowhere" is more often than not an ill suited, exaggerated PR description of some politician's desire to be percieved as being represenitive of John Q. Public.

Spinmeisters boldly, and falsley assert that their candidate possesses a leadership style, message, and candor that has resonated with the public to such a degree that the election of said person is a Manifest Destiny kind of thing.

But no one, until Sarah Palin had a wink in their political bag of tricks that could slay the doubts of millions of people.

It truly was "The wink seen round the world" when she unleashed it upon an unsuspecting public during her acceptance speech at the GOP convention, after John McCain nominated her to be his V.P.

Then, rumours of a wink specialist being added to Sarah's 2012 campaign entourage after McCain and her loss to Obama began to surface. Some mystery woman that referred to herself as a Winkologist.

I had to learn more. I knew that this story had some long legs. Then I discovered that this mystery woman winkologist did too!

Wink your way to the top!
Sarah is listening to the Siren song of power. It liltingly whispers;

Sarah! You could be president! The people that vote really are gullible enough to believe that you can fix what's wrong. By the time they figure out that you can't even fix a Moose Burger without burning it, it will be too late! Your term as president will be up and you will be added to the Pantheon of ex-presidents.

Not to mention make a fortune selling access to those that have political power and influence in Washington.

She's humming along and tapping her toes to the rising beat of her heart. She thinks it's a catchy tune. As always, the thought of being the most powerful person on the planet have made her moist.

She has been working on her wink for months now. Knowing that this was the key to victory. This knowledge based on all of the things in life that she had wanted that her magical wink had obtained for her.

Starting with that passing grade in high school from the geography teacher. He thought that her wink meant that he'd have a night of sex with her for not flunking her.

Her first big foray into implying something without actually saying it also taught her the subset principle of plausible deniability. A politicians best friend.

From that point on Sarah was winking her way into higher and higher positions of public service. Finally culminating with "The wink seen 'round the world" during the Republican National Convention. Where she winked her way into the hearts of every right wing frothy fringer jn America during her acceptance speech, after McCain nominated her to be his V.P.

Knowing that she had to be at the top of her wink game to win the presidency, Sarah has been setting aside two hours a day as "wink time" to hone her wink skill sets. So that by 2011, when the campaign for the next presidential election heats up, she'll have a world class wink, capable of convincingly "implying" (without saying) what ever the person that she is winking at wants it to mean.

She has even hired a personal trainer, wink specialist Candy Wanda Trixie. But her friends, associates, acquaintances, and late night assignations just call her; "Sweet Thang"

I interviewed Ms. Trixie several days ago. She was unabashedly bold in her assertion that Palin was a natural born winker.

Ms Trixie opened with: "What she has already accomplished with her untrained wink is nothing short of phenomenal. There wasn't a man at that convention that wouldn't have handed over every dollar, and maxed out every credit card in his wallet just for a few minutes alone with that gal. I'm not easily impressed, but when I saw the immediate reaction of every man that was there to her world-wide wink, I said to myself; That there little woman is a comer for sure!"

She stops right here to light a cigarette, and take a deep drag Then, she leans back in her chair with her eyes closed until she slowly exhales the smoke. Her right hand was toying with the button of her blouse. She opens her eyes in time to see me look up from her blouse. I blush. She smiles. Then Ms Trixie continues expounding on the subject of winkology.

"With that one wink she not only conveyed to every man that saw it, that she knew what they wanted, and needed from her. She also convincingly conveyed that she was the woman that could satisfy thoses needs." Said Trixie.

While she was saying this she was slowly leaning closer and closer to where I was sitting. While at the same time slowly lowering her gaze to what I initially thought was the note pad in my lap.

Then, she softly said as she quickly looked up from my notepad; "There are very few women that can meet the many, complex needs of so many different men. Don't you agree?"

Then she added; "And please call me Candy from now on. Ms.Trixie sounds so strait-laced, buttoned down, and formal. I would much rather have a very friendly, very informal, very discreet, speed-dial kind of quid pro quo, keep it on the down low, "tell me where it hurts, and I'll kiss it and make it better" sort of an arrangment. Wouldn't you?"

I was lost in thought for a few moments as I pondered the image laden implications of her last statment. Shaking those off, I steered the conversation back to Palin's putting such high hopes on a physical gesture. Asking Trix...Err...I mean, Candy if a wink could win Palin the presidency.

Candy's response was; "When I get done perfecting Sarah's winking skills that woman is going to have a wink so powerful the United Nations will classify it as a; Weapon of Mass Destruction. Oh yeah! Sarah is going to be The Bomb!"

Ironically, Candy's reputation as the preeminent winker in North America was legitimately earned practicing an illegitimate trade. None the less! In less than a year Candy winked her way up from a $20 dollars a trick street corner prostitute, to an $800 dollars an hour paid consultant/lobbyist for the International Lollipop Consortium. Candy says that the two jobs are very similar, in that at the heart of both industries are suckers. But that the perks in her new position, or, positions is much better.

Going on to say that Sarah, just like her, has what it takes to go from her current; "Do it like this. Do it like that. That's it! Vote my way and like it! Who's your lobbyists?" low end political power reality, right on up to the top of the political heap. Where she only has to "take it" like that from the big boys.

Candy ended her last statement with the words of her own personal mantra for a better life; "The view from the top, even if you're on the bottom, is much better than the view from the bottom, even if your on top."

"I've actually got Sarah working on three different winks. Each designed for a specific outcome." Candy said.

Going on to say that the first wink is an: "I've convincingly implied what you want to believe. But I have complete deniability when I screw you over. This will be Sarah's "You've been worked!' wink."

I saw something moving in the periphery of my vision. Looking down I saw that Candy was very slowly crossing her legs. Which made her already extremely short mini skirt ride so far up her thigh that I momentarialy lost my train of thought, and was forced to scan my notes for a clue as to what my next question should be.

Then I watched, as if transfixed as she uncrossed them. Even slower than she had crossed them. As I saw the first brief flash of pink. I remember thinking; "I wonder if she knows that I can see her panties?." Then, quickly realized that she wasn't wearing any! Where upon, I lost my pen, notes, and composure. Not necessarily in that order.

When I looked up I saw that Candy was smiling. She had just shown me proof that her treatise on "Winkology" as I will call it for lack of a better word, was just a subset principle of a far greater power and control advancment paradigm.

Why continue to waste time explaining to me the dynamics of the power to control individuals, and masses by mastering the nuances of suggestive physical gestures? When all she had to do to make my understanding complete was hotwire my reality by slowly crossing, and un-crossing her legs which immediately drove my thought process straight to Candy Land!

Then Candy continued; "The second wink that I will teach Sarah to master is going to be her main day to day working wink. A sort of; "Oh yeah! We can, and will do it just like that! As soon as you give me what I've told you it will cost." It's a smoldering, come hither, all transactions are paid in full-In advance wink. With a dash of licked lips wanton thrown in to close the deal.

Going on to say; "The third wink is for private, personal moments. Sarah can't use this wink until she has attained the power necessary to make the implications that what the wink is implying real. For lack of a better name, and to personalize it as Sarah's very own, it will be called her 'Commander in Chief' wink."

I asked Candy to be more specific. And she became more brazenly specific than I ever imagine any women would ever be with me by saying; "This will be Sarah's; Let it be said. Let it be done "I don't give a hoot if you are happily married. If you don't lose them pants and let that trophy sized trouser trout have at my bait box, I'll have you fired from the Secret Service for trying to do just that anyway." obey your Commander in Chief. Or else! wild eyed, 'I want it! And I want it now!' wink that is only to be used on those that she has complete, and total power over.

Candy has promised Sarah that by the time that campaigning is in full swing, her patented "WINK" will imply 10 times more than it did during the last election. Without any downside to her Plausible/Impliable/Deniable factor.

"Doors opening, or zippers coming down, it's all the same." Said Candy with a knowing smirk, and a wink that gave me a woody.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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