Written by Lady Godiva

Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Village life in U.K. All Villages Now To Include Village Celebrity. Blackburn Is One Step Ahead with Subo.
One of the two Village Idiots of Blackburn. They are identical twins so just multiply this image by two

Villages in the U.K. are in the news. No matter how large or how small the village, each boasts its Village Idiot, Pub, Restaurant and NOW Village Celebrity.
Many famous t.v. stars now have their Celebrity status in villages around the U.K. Ross Kemp, for one (from Eastenders).

This is a quote from the U.K. Telegraph:

One village has billeted Liz Hurley, another Kate Moss and another still Kate Winslet. And so it continues: Ruby Wax, Willie Carson, right down to the exquisitely tiny hamlet of Ross Kemp. The role comes with duties: opening the fĂȘte, inviting friends down for locals to laugh at and making the squire feel a teeny bit undermined.

It's no news to readers of The Spoof that the Village Celebrity in Blackburn IS Susan Boyle. She is enjoying her new position in the the village and will soon be opening fetes.

It is rumoured that there is to be a statue of Susan erected in the Main Square of the village. The villages are a little concerned as they don't want the Subo fanatics flooding Blackburn to visit it. "Nae, we don't wan 'em here. They'll be up te turning into inta a bloody Shrine those loonies," commented one villager.

The Village Idiot is said to be a new neighbour of Susan's who runs around the village wearing a red scarf and bestowing blessings on all and sundry. Indeed, it is also believed that the Village Idiot has an identical twin and the two work 'shifts'. Many folk maintain that they are very rich Americans with too much time on their hands and far too much money, which, if they ARE indeed Christians, as they claim to be, they should, in my very humble opinion, be putting their husbands' money to much better use by, for example, supporting the starving children around the world, the victims of the recent eathquake in China etc.

These facts come hot on the heels of various newspaper articles and YouTube videos showing the twins actively participating in 'Susan Stalking' and much, much more.

But! Here is the truth. The 'Holier Than Thou Twins' as they are now known as to True Susan Boyle Fans, don't even THINK about those poor suffering people. They only think about themselves, suffering Susan Boyle withdrawals. To hell with the REAL 'suffering people around the globe'.

"They do keep the villagers amused though," commented villager and publisher, Iam McTwittering, of the local newspaper "Och Tell The Truth".

"The Village Idiot (or Idiots)," continued Iam, are sorry souls who have too much money and time on their hands, as stated above. They are more to be pitied than scorned.

We have interviewed them for the local paper, for which I am publisher. Unfortunately, all we get out of them is: We love you Susan. Please say you love us too. They seem to have some form of Susan Boyle Tourettes
Sydrome, which is soon to be recognised by Medical Personnel.

Indeed, it is rumoured (I have to say 'rumoured' as I don't want to be sued) that the researchers of the medical journal 'The Lancet', are currently studying this phenomena and will be publishing their findings in a couple of months.

The comments by the twins regarding 'We love Susan' is rather odd as they also keep saying 'We love God'. Which brings about the question, "Who do they REALLY love? It seems they cannot separate reality - in the form of Susan Boyle - from fiction - which is, obviously, THE BIBLE.

These are two really Twisted Sisters."

Iam McTwittering has promised to keep us updated on the 'goings on' in the village of Blackburn as well as the results of The Lancet's findings.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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