The Bastardization of our beloved Kit Kat

Written by Lady Godiva

Saturday, 10 April 2010

image for The Bastardization of our beloved Kit Kat
This is how my cat felt about the changes to our beloved Kit Kat

It's a sad day for Kit Kat lovers everywhere. We grew up with the slogan, "Have a break. Have a Kit Kat".

We always knew what we would be dealing with when we bought a Kit Kat or were given a Kit Kat as a treat.

On removing the red and white outer wrapping and then carefully, oh so carefully removing the silver covering, which we would gently smooth out so there was not a wrinkle in site, we'd wrap the silver foil around our finger and twist into a tiny silver goblet to add to our collection.

Following this 10 minutes of fun, we'd turn our attention to the delicious snack. We'd pick up a finger and place it carefully into our mouth, sucking on it, pulling it in and out until all the chocolate was removed, exposing the delicious wafer beneath.

Next came the tiny nibbles beginning at the top. Mmm! Delicious. The second half would not be consumed in the same manner as the first as there was nothing to hold on to if you sucked it, so it would be placed in the mouth sideways and, after moving it around the mouth with the tongue, it would eventually be placed between the molars and chomped on.

The second finger was consumed in the same manner unless you were unfortunate enough to have a friend or sibling with whom you were expected to share this true delicacy.

Now I'm bloody mad coz people just can't leave things alone. I'm in Canada so I don't know which wankers are doing this to our beloved Kit Kat, but when I went over 'ome last year I saw some gigantic ugly Kit Kats that you'd have to have a bloody great big gob to suck on. Treachery is indeed afoot.

As if that wasn't bad enough. LAST WEEK I saw on Canadian t.v. - although it COULD have been a bloody American channel, they're TOPPING THE BLOODY KIT KATS WITH ALMOND CREAM.

It's bleeding outrageous. Why can't they leave our soddin' Kit Kat's alone and create some other freaking 'thing' with almond cream on top. I feel so f*****g helpless. I don't know what to do. If I was religious, I would pray.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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