Written by Richard DagNabbit

Monday, 4 January 2010

image for Aesop's Most Fabulous Fable Rides Again Part I
It's the Al-Quaida Monsters - They're ahhh.. Out There Somehwere.. Can't You See Them?

Once a long time ago, a man needed to devise a mechanism to control not just a man or two but masses of men as the human population in his village moved to agrarian success instead of bumming berries off bushes and simmering squirrels for stew. The earliest of successes in development of such a mechanism came from an Arab named Bajid.

Bajid correctly concluded that every large population of humans consisted of 95% followers who were waiting to be told how things are, and what to do. Followers were most happy not having to think and process complicated amounts of abstract data, as long as they didn't have to hunt or gather. They soon found themselves eating at FatDonald's.

Bajid found that being part of the 5% that that he called "leadership" was profitable. Very profitable indeed. Bajid spun one wild story after another to his masses, enriching himself every step of the way. No one knew the better until the masses had nothing more to give. By that time Bajid was gone and was perpetrating the same scheme on another mass of people.

As the eons of time passed, all Arab masses learned of this trickery and refined the game to include entire cities and states. Then, wanting more, the time had come to go world wide and capture the BIG prize.

Meanwhile to the west and north, another culture of humans were one step up, refining the game as a cultural mechanism where many work together to achieve a common goal. Village after village, country after country, they cleverly extracted all that other masses possessed. They too had a keen sense of timing and left the scene when there was no more to extract.

Then a truly unique opportunity came along, and Bajid hooked up with Benjamin from the west and they together hatched a whale of a scheme. Benjamen's masses liked cold hard cash most of all, and Bajid's masses needed new cities built to modern standards, but high technological costs prevented that from happening.

The scheme would be for Benjamen to infiltrate some other mass of people who were not aware of the extraction schemes, but who had a lot of money. Then, bring in his buddies to take control of their leadership. After that Bajid was to take his turn in the scheme by beating some war drums just close enough so that the masses could hear something. Benjamen would then tell the masses how these were really nasty enemies that jeopardized their security. Benjamen would then say that he and his cronies had experience in fighting the unseen nasties, and for half their gold, he would show them the way.

The masses all of a sudden started smiling, pumping their patriotism pom poms and hopping up and down while reaching into their pockets for gold to give Benjamen.

Benjamen proceeded to organize the masses' youngest and most ignorant into armies to fight the seemingly invisible enemy. Then, in a stroke of genius, he told the masses they would have to pay for rebuilding the enemy cities after destroying them in order for them not to become enemies again.

After the spears, knives, bombs and bullets had run out, and the other half of the masses' gold had been used to rebuild Bajid's bombed out cities to modern standards,
Bajid and Benjamen appeared as a holograph before the now broke mass of people and said:

Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaa Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaa Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaaaa

Reflecting on the Roundabout \Well Traveled,

Dagnabbit Rabitt Reporting

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more