Bullshit Machine Continues to Run Unabated

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

image for Bullshit Machine Continues to Run Unabated
"Please be careful, do not step in the $@#%."

Anywhere USA: Diogenes searched for an honest man with his lantern. This reporter, possessing a large strobe lamp, set out to shine the light on various people and say "enough political BULLSHIT, please turn off the machine."

President Obama: "The unemployment rate should not exceed 8%, especially when the stimulus package gets up to speed and creates jobs." Au contraire, Mr. President methinks over 11% is on the horizon, irrespective of the small part of the stimulus package devoted to job creation.

Vice President Biden: "If we had more information at the time, a better decision could have been made about fixing the economy." Au contraire, Mr. Vice President if more information was at hand you could be replaced by a computer.

Paul Krugman, NYT Columnist: "As an economist I believe the recession will be over by summer 2009." Au contraire, Paul perhaps by summer 2010 as estimated by economists not left wing ideologues.

Rabid Environmentalists: "We should use Bamboo for Personal Computer cases, as the carbon footprint is smaller than employing plastics."Au contraire, Bamboo has a bigger carbon footprint from growing to disposal by burning and US industry knows how to efficiently manufacture and recycle plastics.

Senate Judiciary Committee: "Judge Sonia Sotomayor will be given a fair and impartial hearing before being confirmed as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court." Au contraire, Democrats have 60 seats making the hearing irrelevant to her confirmation.

US House Majority Leader Hoyer:
"The house has completed work on the Washington DC Voting Rights Bill, giving the district a voting representative." Au contraire, Steny the US Constitution makes the bill unconstitutional without a Constitutional amendment.

US Interior Secretary Ken Salazar:
"We do not have to drill for additional domestic oil and natural gas, as the cost of foreign oil is low due to the current recession." Au contraire, Ken perhaps where you are on the planet Zog they never heard of OPEC and the law of supply and demand.

US House Speaker Pelosi: "I was never briefed by the CIA about President Bush's harsh interrogation techniques." Au contraire, Nancy you were either asleep, absent without leave, on medication or much worse.

South Carolina Governor Sanford: "I love to hike the Appalachian Trail by myself." Au contraire, Mark it is now known you were skinny dipping in South America.

GMC Executives: "What's so wrong with selling quality automobiles for less than their production cost, if we make up the difference in volume?" Au contraire, it's buy low sell high, you dummies.

Michael Jackson's Spokesman: "The Jackson family will smoothly resolve the division of the estate and custody of Michael's children after the King of Pop's tragic accidental death." Au contraire, daddy wants the money, mommy wants the kids, the coroner speculates murder and the Reverends Sharpton and Jackson want the spotlight.

As one of the worlds greatest writers Mark Twain said "A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of human liberty."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Related Funny Stories…

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more