Bye-bye, miss American pie

Funny story written by walter

Monday, 1 June 2009


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Based on a protocol signed between me, the devil, and my half-brother Tom o Bedlam, a.k.a. the virtuous, I had no choice but to take over the helm of the world. Of course, to fool the masses kind of a coup de'etat was needed. Now, it's time for him to piss off. Can you believe it: 3000 consecutive years? Anyway, I lost patience. Besides, what are brothers for?

During these long years, the main policy of my stupid brother was based on wishful thinking, or rather 'Sugar-candy Mountain,' ( cf: Animal Farm). So-called intellectuals have been fed up with these lies. There was no chance for him to survive. So I decided to intervene! How could I let you down? Isn't there a strong bond between you and me? My brother's policy was to spread lies. Mine is to disseminate disinformation. You see the difference?

As you know, my boys are engaged round clock to invent new technologies, particularly in communications, such as radios, TVs, and cell phones. Ain't it nice to hold a cell phone between your legs and send photos of your enticing private parts to your friends? What are private parts for? Ain't sharing a divine feeling? In no time your juicy private part dries up and then becomes 'dust to dust'. Another example is the internet-turned- listening post. How about remote control devices, such as toy planes or toy trucks? You can place a rose in a toy truck and guided it through the front door of a happily married couple, dump it, retrieve the truck, and, bang, destroy a marriage!

As to contemporary journalism, there is no need for an independent reporter to move into a troubled area. In my present-day journalism, I emphasize objectivity, but I keep the backup sources locked up in a vault guarded by my own boys. You can't have'm! You lose; I win! Mark my word: curiosity killed the cat. They should have taken the beheading footages seriously. Another instance is 'honesty is the best policy'. Bull…! I don't need your confessions. I rely on my editable cctvs, thermal cams, data bases etc.

I am an advocate of drugs because they supplement your innate deficiencies. I ask you: anything wrong with taking vitamins? Therefore, what's the big fuss about steroids? Your body has turned obsolete. Have you forgotten what Friedrich Nietzsche once said: God is dead and …without God, life is meaningless". If God is dead, then you are dead, too. Don't believe Descartes' infamous discovery: "I think, therefore I am". You and God are both dead. If you feel you are alive, it's due to delayed action of your senses. It's like the speed of sound versus speed of light. It takes quite some time before you realize an explosion has taken place. In other words, it is the slow movement of data through your nerves that generates past, present or future. There is no future. It is only the past! Doubt it? Ask your intuition or foretelling dreams you've ever had. All is a history.

Can this life style go on for ever? It has to stop. Dust to dust. Wealthy families up to tax payers' space ships. And nuke the worthless earth. So 'bye-bye, miss American pie. Drove my chevy to the levee, But the levee was dry. And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye ...'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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