Booger County Salvage Mafia In Crisis Over Appointment Of Gay Don

Written by Bureau

Friday, 29 May 2009


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Bunnies Now On Sale At "The Salami's Salvage Store"

The Boogertown Mafia, which controls much of the County salvage industry from slightly used condoms to out-dated boxes of Corn Chex to used tires and recharged batteries, is in turmoil following the recent announcement that Big Lenny 'The Salami' de Weese is to replace Franco 'Four Fingers' Spaghettio as Don of Salvage for the entire Booger County.

The first Mafiosi to 'come out of the steam bath', de Weese, also nicknamed 'The Dongy Don', has been a thorn in the side of the Booger County Sheriff's Department for several years now, especially in recent months.

"Nothing good ever came out of Creek Mountain and that's exactly where The Salami grew up and learned all the tricks of the salvage trade", stated Sheriff Upton Giddy.

Eschewing the traditional suit and trench coat for more flamboyant attire of checks, stripes and poka dots, The Salami drew additional unwanted attention from the Boogertown Banner recently when he was voted best dressed gay male in a Dogfish Festival poll and also cleaned out the stuffed animal baseball throw by shooting the pie-faced targets in the face with a sawed-off shotgun.

This, on top of his uniquely delicate methods of dispensing mob justice - drive by eggings, extracting information with the use of wild turkey-feather tickling, near-fatal toilet-papering, piss boarding and leaving the heads of dandelions in peoples beds as warnings - has sent shockwaves throughout the Boogertown underworld.

"I woke up with a big sneeze when one of those little dandelion things was snorted up my nose and I immediately got the message", stated Hank Blower. "From now on my family is purchasing our salvage from The Salami."

Several local Booger Countians have come to the same conclusion, pretty well leaving The Bent Can and Snotgrass's Stuff without customers.

"You know the saying", stated Sheriff Giddy. "Whoever owns the salvage industry in Booger County pretty well runs Booger County....actually I just no made that up."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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