Written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 23 September 2007

image for Paddington Bear says he sold out
Bears...They really don't like Marmalade, or Marmite for that matter

Beloved bear from Darkest Peru, Paddington Bear says that he was sold out by his creators to further the cause of Satan's recipe, Marmite.

Speaking from his North London flat, the Bear, who no longer lives with the Brown Family, after attacking them said: 'People are really going for Michael Bond and his family over selling me out to Marmite, but that is not the case. I have a big court case coming up, and I needed the money'

This news has comes as a shock to so many people, who love the dimunitive bear and his wardrobe of a duffle coat, a good hat, and Wellington Boots.

Paddington, now smoking, said 'Listen mate, it is not my fault. I am a bear, I never liked Marmalade, Marmite, or my duffle coat. I am a bear, I do not need to wear clothes, I have fur...'

In a further twist, the policeman who took the formerly law abiding bear away said: 'He seemed so nice and apologetic at the time. No one told him that the pigeon would not like Marmite in that advert, or would go on to cause a four car pile up. It got worse when the camera stopped filming, man, it really did. We can't blame him for lashing out occasionally, I mean he had this fame forced upon him, he never wanted to come to London, I think he should be applauded for settling into the culture as well as he did'

The Daily Mail is now calling for the cuddly citizen to be deported back to Darkest Peru. The court case starts tomorrow.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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