Hello, I am Andy, but you can call me Andy as well. This is my new agony uncle column in TheSpoof.com Magazine. Let's get started:
Ok, this one is from Anna in Maidstone:
I have the weird feeling that every time I watch the news, my stomach starts rumbling and I get hungry even though I have just had my supper. What do I do?
A. Well Anna, I'm taking a risk saying this but, I think you should keep eating until you are not hungry any more. If you end up fat, you can sue me. I said the same thing to a guy on holiday in Britain 7 years ago, his name was Manuel Uribe and he is now the fattest guy on Earth. Man I can already imagine him in a beer advert saying "Gracias Andy" with a bottle of beer in his hand. Gives me nightmares. Anyway, keep this in mind, and if it doesn't work, try Oprah
This one is from Michael in Manchester (the red half):
Sup Bro Andy?
Me name is Michael and I'm from the red 'alf of Manchester,y'know, the 'alf with the people right up the wall. Well, me Q is if you could help me become the next manager of Man U. I love the guys, I've never had a job before and i'm 14. Almost as old as Fergie when he took over and would lke to know what to do?
A. Well Michael, I'm no footie expert but I do know someone right up the wall when I see or hear from one. And I'm afraid you've joined that club. All that I can say is that you need to lose weight, eat very healthy, swear like Shrek and start playing football yourself. If not, try Oprah.
Next week we have a Welshman and a Scottish lass.