Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

image for Dr. Tucker - Therapist To The Kids
A group of school kids at Dr. Tucker's last book signing at Little Rock's Marilyn Monroe Mall

AUSTIN, Texas - Dr. Sinclair Tucker received his therapeutic pediatric license in 1999, from Solid State University in San Antonio, Texas. He later attended Winnipeg's prestigious Shania Twain College where he received his poetic license.

Tucker has been practicing pediatric therapy in Austin for nearly 20 years. He has just published his tenth children's book.

His latest publication is entitled, 'When Kids Misbehave, Is It Because They Are Simply Calling Out For Attention, Or Is It Maybe Because They Just Simply Want To Act Like Little Shits?'

Here are some letters which appear in Dr. Tucker's latest book:

Dear Dr. Tucker: My mommy is always saying that a frown is really just a smile turned upside down. Is that true?

Caitlin Huppity, 9

Biloxi, Mississippi

Dear Caitlin: No that is not true. Actually a frown is a five letter word that begins with an 'f,' ends with an 'n,' and has the three letter word 'row' in the middle.

Dear Dr. Tucker: The other day I heard someone say that chickens get married. Do they?

Timmy Pirandello, 10

Joplin, Missouri

Dear Timmy: No little dude. Chickens do not get married. They just shack up.

Dear Dr. Tucker: I have always loved board games like Monopoly, Clue, and Balderdash. The game Backgammon has always fascinated me. Can you tell me who invented it?

Fluffy Pawtucket, 12

Odessa, Texas

Dear Fluffy: I have no idea. But maybe it was invented by the same person who invented Frontgammon.

Dear Dr. Tucker: My older brother, Bubba Joe teases me a lot. He is always calling me Miley Cyrus. I guess, it probably wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a boy. How can I get Bubba Joe to stop calling me Miley Cyrus?

Toby Klondike, 8

Yuma, Arizona

P.S. I am enclosing my recent school picture.

Dear Toby: Well for starters, I suggest that you stop wearing that bright red lipstick. One, it clashes like hell with your pink Barbie doll t-shirt and two, it really doesn't go good with those lavender high heels at all!

But if you really want your brother to stop calling you Miley Cyrus, I suggest that the next time he has some of his friends over, just walk in on them and say, "Hi Bubba Joe, Miley just loves her big yummy brother all to pieces."

And then start singing a medley of Miley Cyrus' songs. I would start off with Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, then go directly into Driveway, and then sing your sweet little vocal cords off with Fly On The Wall.

So you do that Toby, and I promise you that your brother will stop calling you Miley Cyrus pretty darn quick.

Well that's it for now kids. And before I go, let me leave you with these important words of advice. 'Never, ever stick your finger in the mouth of an adult pet piranha to see if it really bites.'

Dr. Tucker will be signing copies of his latest book this weekend. He will be at The Lilting Lady Sip & Strip Nightclub in downtown Mobile, Alabama. So kids be sure and ask your mom and dad, or a close relative to please take you by. And remember the key word is 'please.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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