Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

image for Paris Hilton Is Suing Herself
Paris Hilton showing off her two pretty 'Puppies'

The December issue of the infamous celebrity publication, American Paparazzi Illustrated Magazine has just hit the news stands.

Paris Hilton is featured on the magazine's cover. In a rather strange turn of events, Miss Hilton has hired famed attorney to the stars, Giselle Ogelsby.

Miss Ogelsby has been hired to sue Paris Hilton. When contacted by phone, Miss Hilton's attorney said, "Yes, you heard right, my client one Paris Hilton is in fact suing one Paris Hilton.

And as unusual as it may seem it is not really that unusual, especially for the west coast, California to be exact, and Hollywood to be even more exacter (sic)."

Ogelsby went on to say, "Miss Hilton is suing herself for (1) Libel, (2) Slander, (3) Defamation of character, (4) Invasion of privacy, (5) Sexual harassment, (6) Intentional infliction of emotional, mental, physical, and sexual distress, (7) Alienation of affections, (8) Irreconcilable differences, (9) Copyright infringement, and (10) Ipso facto delecto deluxe supersized.

Miss Ogelsby was told that one of Paris Hilton's closest friends, Nicole Richie had told Ryan Seacrest that the only reason that Paris Hilton was suing herself was to get publicity.

When Ogelsby heard that she exploded, "And just who the hell does this munchkin Nicole Richie think she is. I mean does this midget sing? Does she dance? Does she do stand-up comedy? Does she play the maracas? Come on. I put Nicole Richie in the same category as those Kardashian kids."

Seacrest replied, "Hey, I know Paris very well. I have interviewed her dozens of times. I also know Nicole Richie. And let me say that Nicole Richie is no Paris Hilton.

But I do have to say that Paris is a ham. And her ego. Wow, well let me just put it this way. Paris' inflated ego is the size of one of Carnie Wilson's old dresses...Oh and by the way, have I told you that I am going to be the next Dick Clark?"

Nicole revealed to Seacrest, "You know Ryan, lately Paris has gone from being on the front covers of dozens of national magazines to having her likeness on bus stop benches.

And Paris cannot stand the fact that starlets like Lindsay Lohan, Reese Witherspoon, and even Miley Cyrus, who I think is around 7-years-old have stolen Paris' 'spotlight.'

So instead of merely holding her breath until she passes out, like she used to do when she was in grade school she just enters into a game of 'one upsmanship.' And I do have to say that in that regard, crafty Miss Paris wrote the book."

In other news, Katie Couric said that Christie Brinkley called her up again the other night and asked her three times, "Katie, I'm still pretty right?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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