As you may be aware I am the head of the Democratic Party. I was elected to this position by my peers for my level head, genial personality and ability to come up with sensible solutions to many complex problems in a very calm , well thought out manner.
I want you to know personally, that I was away from my desk when a subordinate decided to move the democratic primaries up in Florida resulting in many millions of dollars spent by your state for a worthless primary election that means nothing in the real world except disenfranchising many of your liberal neighbors, and possibly causing Senator Hilary Clinton impossible pain and suffering.
That being said, however, it is incumbent on all Florida Citizens, including even Republicans, to help correct this oversight . Knowing you for the unbiased, kind, charitable and loyal American that you are, I know that you will want to become a BLOCK WARDEN in your neighborhood collecting for America's cause in RE-DOING our recent primary and raising the necessary $40 million dollars it is going to take to insure that Hillary Clinton has the opportunity to regain her birthright as America's next President of the United States!
Now , I know, it will be impossible to raise $40 million going door to door in Florida and that is why I am endorsing a state and Federal bill to raise the State, Federal and country gas tax in Florida. I know this may be painful to some, but as our current President indicated recently, he wasn't even aware of recent discussions on all major TV news channels that gasoline is currently approaching $4 per gallon. If our President isn't concerned, I am sure that everyday folks won't be either, even if $4 per gallon comes sooner than later! I am confident that I can sneak this past the House and Senate in closed session. Nanci Pelosi also indicated she has received assurances from Dole Pineapple Co. to chip in over $5 million for the RE-DO, as Ms. Pelosi's efforts to exempt them from the minimum wage act recently passed, has saved them close to $120 million to date. Should there be any overage in monies collected, rest assured that it will be funneled to your sister state, Michigan, where we also screwed up, and thanks to our paternalistic Democratic Rule, have already bankrupted.
I also know that safe guarding over $40 million in funds, and administering a RE-Election where so much is at stake, requires the utmost in due diligence, personal integrity,
character beyond approach, and knowledge of and adherence to, the laws of our land. With that being said, I have today prevailed on Gov. Eliot Spitzer to resign his NY state position in order to undertake this new prestigious position. It also leaves him free to accept the post of Attorney General of the United States once Senator Clinton gains the nomination, and ultimately the position of President of the United States. His timely appointment also enables him to maintain his position as a Super Delegate that was recently in jeopardy due to his trivial difficulties relating to a penile matter.
Thank in you advance for your understanding and future sacrifices for our cause. Senator Clinton wanted to also add her heartfelt thanks and to advise you that the Lincoln Bedroom is available June 16, 2009 from 1:Pm to 4:30 PM. Your discounted presidential rate for this once in a life time opportunity is only $1500 per hour,(based on recently established Democratic prostituted rates). Full payment by money order is required to secure your reservation at this time and can be made out to the "Clinton Memorial Library--Hillary's Wing" and should be fully tax deductible until such time as you are audited.