Written by Sophie Jayne

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

image for Radder's So Straight, It Physically Hurts
How can you think HE is gay?

It has come to my attention that there are many foolish people with very bad gay-dars out there. These people believe that great actor Daniel Radcliffe is homosexual, they are in fact wrong and I set out to prove this.

Firstly I went to his mother. If any one knows if a man is gay, it is his mother. On being asked weather this was so Mrs. Radcliffe violently shook her head "No. No my son is not that way inclined. He likes girls. Good Jewish girls." Mrs. Radders informed me that her son never dressed in pink, played with dolls or had tea parties.

More proof came when I interviewed a local hooker. "Yeah Danny boy is a loyal customer of mine and he never complains, no way in hell he bats for the other side." She said as she blew smoke in my face.

I known that I have already proven my point but I couldn't resist asking Dan his own opinion on his sexuality. I found him with his head in a woman's cleavage. Here I think actions speak louder than words.

So you see Radders is as straight as they come, and one day he and I will marry and have seven children called Harrry-Jammes, Alexia-Elise, Jacob, Jasmine, Ruby, William and of course Sophia and live happily even after FULL STOP.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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