Written by Pistol Whalon

Sunday, 21 May 2006

image for Expressions from the Mundane
Have a Day!

Are there certain words or phrases that drive you crazy when spoken? Lame expressions that make you want to scream “Come up with something more original you brain-dead moron!” Here are my top 10 “skin crawlers”.

1. “Have a nice day”. I use a slight variation of the most overused saying in the history of civilization: “Have a day!”

2. “Significant other”. Gag! Just say, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, cat, dog, etc.

3. “Win-win”. Only stated by “losers-losers!”

4. “I’m just big boned.” Have you ever seen a skeleton with bigger bones than any other skeleton? I have some bad news for you; every skeleton weighs about the same! So, you’re…

5. “I just want a healthy baby.” No, you either want a boy or girl. You’re just afraid if you say it, others will think you are cold-hearted and shallow.

6. “Get a life.” I say, “get a vocabulary.”

7. “I’m offended.” It seems most people are offended by something every day. Before 1980 I don’t remember anyone ever using that word. My response is-so what!

8. “Get over it.” See # 6.

9. “I was shocked.” Shock was once used for devastating, catastrophic events. Not anymore. People are now “shocked” when a pigeon craps on there car!

10. “It’s not fair.” Welcome to planet earth. If life was fair I’d be a 6’4” quarterback for the San Francisco 45ers!

Okay, so there they are; the 10 brain-dead phrases that drive me crazy. There are many more but I'm too shocked and offended by your attitude to list them!—Have a day!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Brain, crazy, Brain dead

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more