Apes Disappointed With Man

Funny story written by Boone Adams

Saturday, 17 July 2004

"We are not angered by zoo monkeys or even pet monkeys, what angers us is what the homo sapiens have done to our experiment," stated Bongo, the lead scientist of a human study group. "Had we known that this version of our experimental slave would have been so destructive and self centered, we probably would have stopped breeding them a few thousand years ago," he continued. Bongo is a four-foot orangutan and the president of the Simian Science Center, located in Washington, D.C.

Bongo explained that the Simian Science Center has been in existence for well over eighteen million years. The organization was formed with the idea of creating a race of slaves that would do the bidding of the apes. According to the ancient written text, the apes went through many different types of slaves before the present day form of human was chosen.

"We experimented with many forms of creatures with little or no success. After thousands of years of failed attempts at teaching a new species, we would eradicate them and start over. This current breed of servant, man as it is called, was thought to be the perfect creature to serve us. What we failed to predict was its pride and lack of servitude to anyone. As soon as we made it stand, it would sit. When we gave it a brain, it thought of ways to get out of work. When we gave it a voice, it just yelled at us," the red faced ape screeched.

"I can tell you, it has been frustrating to say the very least. These unappreciative mammals just think of themselves. They actually believe man discovered apes! Every time they find a skeleton buried in the mud, they connect it with their own past. One such failed experiment was what man calls the 'Neanderthal'. Oh, we loved that one. They were big and strong and very good servants, but they were cannibals. Every day we would find the bones of another 'Chucky", that is what we called the Neanderthal, lying in a bed of fresh greens or steamed rice. We made the big fore headed biped, believing that the shelf-like skull could carry beverages. They were not mutations or a lesser form of man. They were failed experiments!" Bongo said as he plucked a bug from my hair.

"We really thought the smarter ones would understand their purpose, after we made 'The Planet of The Apes' movie. But, they just made a sequel. Our movie was a documentary, not an action adventure flick," the bare rumped ape said.

Bongo went on to say that the apes have thought about wiping out this current batch of servants and starting over. They decided that man would exterminate himself, given enough time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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