Local kebab shop and burger van entrepreneur, Ali Bullo, was today sacked by Lord Sugar before he ever even got on the telly on an episode of The Apprentice.
Ali Bullo described the decision by the Amstrad supremo as "a bit silly really. Innit bruv."
Ali Bullo apparently submitted a business plan to Lord Sugar whereby he would sell genuine nude celebrity calendars from his string of kebab shops and burger vans, as opposed to the cheap jack photoshopped versions his staff currently offer from under the counter.
At a tenner a pop.
With a free horoscope thrown in from Gypsy Rose Inchcock of Nottingham.
Ali Bullo stated in his business plan that with a quarter of a million pounds worth of Lord Sugar investment, he would be able to tempt celebrities such as Pixie Lott, Kristen Stewart, Emma Watson, Beyonce, Rihanna, and Rita out of Coronation Street to really pose for nude calendar shots.
And pop them out to punters at twenty five smackers a pop.
Ali reckoned he could turn over at least four million a year, but Lord Sugar disagreed.
"You're fired. You imbecile," Lord Sugar said. "Get off my manor, you merchant banker. I'm not the Sullivan geezer and this place ain't Upton Park. Do one son. Before I wheel the twins aht."
A clearly gutted Ali Bullo was seen outside the TV studio in the City of London, gasping for air in the street.
"Him Lord Sugar man proper bastard," Ali wheezed. "Him ask personal questions, like am I legal? Do I have visa? Have I ever seen Julie Andrews naked? That man is a bladdy savage. I no want to work with him anyway. Him bladdy nutter job innit. Me just carry on with fake nude Pixie Lott photoshop calendars at ten quid a pop. Him can stick quarter million pound up him fat arse innit. And him is scruffy bastard innit who can't do the proper shavings. Stubbly chinned twat."
Indeed.
More as we get it.
