The Cast of 'Two and A Half Men' Speak Out On Charlie "Showless" Sheen

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

image for The Cast of 'Two and A Half Men' Speak Out On Charlie "Showless" Sheen
$1.8 million - or what Charlie "Showless" Sheen will no longer receive each week. (Photo courtesy of Bill Gates).

HOLLYWOOD - Well now that Charlie Sheen has just lost his job on the number one rated comedy show Two and A Half Men, which was paying him $1.8 million per week the maverick actor will have all kinds of free time on his hands.

And in the words of many who know him personally including his agent, manager, publicist, and father, "Uh Oh!"

The star, or rather ex-star of the CBS show could just not seem to separate his TV character Charlie Harper from his real life character Charlie Sheen, probably due to the fact that they actually had become one in the same.

Charlie Harper was Charlie Sheen and Charlie Sheen was Charlie Harper and both sad to say ended up being 'Losers' in the end, and it did not have to be.

Sheen actually put on something that he calls "Sheen's Korner" on the Internet and for those of you who may not have seen it you may not want to bother unless of course you are just curious.

But to put it mildly "Sheen's Korner" is really and truly about as funny as last years Louisiana tar ball mess. And it is sad to watch and see how far down the ladder the once very talented Carlos Estevez (Sheen's real name) has fallen.

The man had the civilized world by the tail, but he blinked, and winked, and arrogantly sarcastacated way too much and the puzzled world turned on him and viciously and mercilessly bit him on his pompously egomaniacal keister.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I was not certain if the word sarcastacated was actually a word, so I looked it up and sure enough it isn't, but I liked it and so I decided to leave it in the story because it really blends well with the word arrogantly which I know is a word because I have heard people use it many times when talking about the GOPrincess Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter.]

And so now, much like the man without a country, or the woman without a mascara brush, or a snowman without snowballs, Charlie Sheen is now a man without a show.

And one has to wonder what the other 297,863 unemployed actors and actresses in Hollywood who would literally give their tongues to have a hit show must be thinking.

The West Coast Flaming Gazette did manage to interview several of Charlie Sheen's Two and A Half Men co-stars, or rather ex-co-stars and ask them what they thought.

Jon Cryer who portrayed Alan Harper, Charlie's brother replied, "Charlie has shown me that he is nothing but a %#&*^@$%!"

Angus T. Jones who starred as Alan's son Jake, aka "A Half" stated, "Mr. Sheen proved to be a big spoiled #@&*%$#^!"

Holland Taylor who appeared in the role of Charlie and Alan's mother Evelyn Harper remarked, "Charlie Sheen is not worthy of me even mentioning him, but since you graciously asked me I will graciously respond by saying that I think that the man is a perfect example of a self-centered ^%#*+@$#!"

Conchata Ferrell who plays Berta the housekeeper was not as kind as the others in talking about Sheen. She pointed out that being 185 pounds overweight she is not exactly going to have other acting parts tossed at her like people throwing roses at the Tournament of Roses Parade.

She stressed that if she ever happens to run into Charlie at a McDonalds, Jack-In-The-Box, Pizza Hut, or Burger King she is going to go up to the low-life selfish punk and kick him so hard in his 'nads that his octave range will go up so high, that he'll make Michael Jackson sound like Sylvester Stallone.

And Melanie Lynskey, who appeared as Charlie's Malibu Beach neighbor Rose, who had a one night stand with him and has since turned into his stalker commented, "Well I for one still hold a torch to my Charlie.

In fact I love both Charlie's, Charlie Harper and Charlie Sheen, and I will never utter an unkind word about either one of them because I know that one day soon, Charlie will dump the two blonde skanks he currently refers to as his 'Two Goddesses" and return to me his deliciously lovely brunette who did intimately deviant things to him that not even a $3,000 an hour call girl had ever done to him."

Charlie Sheen told The West Coast Flaming Gazette that he is seriously thinking about buying a burro ranch outside of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico where he can go and relax and get away from all of the badmouthing that he knows he will be getting from everyone in the press, at CBS, the White House, and from his ex-cast members.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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