Written by Inhopeless

Sunday, 13 February 2011

image for 'Talent' New Music Fad
What's that? He's NOT using AutoTune?!

LOS ANGELES, LONDON, & NEW YORK - After Justin Beiber has sold millions, the music business has found a new cash cow.

Along with the neo-emo scene of the mid-nougties, this new scene will make much money in a market that is being slowly eroded by music downloads.

The new thing, dubbed, 'Talent' will soon hit the shelves. Unlike the neo-emo scene, or the teen star period, Talent can be in any genre, from rock to jazz to pop, meaning a more versatile investment.

"I can't believe we didn't see this before," said a representative for Sony Music Group. "We will bring this 'Talent' to the masses."

Already, Social Constructs, the first new band to be part of Talent, has been extensively marketed, and has even gotten airtime on the BBC's breakfast show.

Meanwhile in New York, Rachael Saulles, is the next Talent sensation to hit the East Coast.

'This. Is. Mindblowing.' reads an advert for her in the terminal of Grand Union.

"Saulles," said a fan, "is great! Talent is what we need."

However, original members of the talent movement are not happy.

"Talent," said a spokesman for Talent Artists Without Commercialism (TAWC), "was around for decades. The industry just hasn't noticed. We've said that they're missing out something here, but we want it to be ours. It's not a thing to rape and pillage."

TAWC do have a point. Previous acts who were defined with talent as an aspect are now being approached by major labels.

"Holy fuck," said expletive-ridden lead singer of popular band Say Anything, Max Bemis, "I just got a letter from the mother-Univeral-fucking Records. I ain't doing this. I may be a pretentious asshole, but I'm not doing this for the fucking fans."

Already some industry experts are expecting the Talent curve to last until 2014 where it will reach a peak and then slowly collapse.

"It beats our prediction for Beiber," said Dr. Frank Martins, "he's got fifteen days."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Music

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