Selena Gomez Fakes Facebook Hack

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 12 January 2011


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Some a--hole with far too much time on his hands stopped masturbating to youporn videos long enough to hijack Selena Gomez's Facebook page, ostensibly to teach Mark Zuckerberg a lesson!

Or at least that is what police first thought.

"Ms. Gomez reported to Los Angeles Sheriff's office that her Facebook page was illegally accessed by marauders," said LAPD spokesperson Detective Tom Lange. "Based on our investigation, we believe that Ms. Gomez was the only person to access said page.

Early this morning, Selena's most recent updates had been removed and replaced with some vulgar language and other insults:

"My toothpaste is too minty. Sadness consumes me."
"Justin Bieber smells like gay."
"David DeLuise fell asleep inside me!"
"Press Control-W to see something amazing."
"I called Justin gay and he hit me with his purse."
"Lindsay Lohan sold me coke. No, wait. It was Diet Coke."
"¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*'¨ Ñ¡Ght ËvÈ®¥ ÕÑe¯¨'*·~-.¸¸,.-~*'¨"

Followed by this series of status updates:

"Just got home."
"about to shower!"
"Ass itchy." "
Must scratch."
"Scratching... scratching. Relief."
"My dog chewed my sandals while I was in the shower!!!"
"Still wet from the shower.
"'bout to eat. Nom, nom nom. Yummmmm!"
"Is chicken supposed to be pink inside."
"This chicken tastes funny."
"I think that chicken is giving me the sh-ts!!"
"I said, 'yeah, Justin. It's like a penis, only smaller."
"Miranda Cosgrove gave me my first orgasm."

Despite the fake-break-in, Selena's people jumped into action and deleted the hacked posts. Gomez has since posted a message saying, "Sorry everyone. don't know who did this LOLZ."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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