MITTEN BUTTE, Arizona - Bill Maher was speaking before a group known as Arizonian's For Arizona Only Period.
Maher, or Gumby, as he is called by many, told the assembled crowd of 27 people that he is tired of people asking him why he is so damn bitter and angry all of the time.
The 54-year-old self-professed observational satirist and politically challenged raconteur said that one he is not damn bitter dammit! and two he is not damn angry dammit!
He confessed that what he is, is a strange type of individual who pretty much does not believe in anything. Maher has even stated in several publications that he doubts the existence of the moon.
When asked what the heck he calls the big round white ball up in the sky, he grins and says, "I call it a big round damn friggin white ball up in the sky - that's what I call it."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow! What a horribly sh*tty attitude. Ladies and gentleman is it really any wonder why Mr. Maher has never, ever had a girlfriend? Sheeeesh the bitter dude makes that old mean-as-hell bitch Naomi Campbell seem like sweet little Sasha Obama.]
Maher has also gone on record as saying that he abso-effen-lutley hated Oprah Winfrey's Christmas Show. The Gumbymeister remarked that the Christmas Show was just too Christmassy with over 9,000 Christmas ornaments in every shape, size, and color.
He then opined that there were lots of other things about the show that he just did not like. For one thing, he said that Oprah does not look anything like Mrs. Santa Claus.
Two, her BFF (WINK-WINK) Gayle King does not at all resemble Santa Claus's mistress.
And three, he was livid about the fact that Winfrey prohibited all of her show's staff and crew from uttering the Christmas phrase "Ho, ho, ho" because of the obvious prostitute connotations is positively ridiculous.
Bill went on to say that Oprah bragged about having given away 9,000 Kia Sorentos on her Christmas special, when truth be told, Kia donated all 9,000 cars in exchange for Oprah mentioning the word 'Kia' on her show a total of 137 times.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I saw the show and actually counted the times Miss O said the word Kia and it was right on the money, as Billy boy said, 137.]
When Oprah Winfrey was told about Bill Maher's comments by a reporter for The Tinsel Town Times Tribune she huffed and puffed and said, "Honeychild, you tells Mr. Blowhard Maher dat Miss O said dat he be nuthin' but a low-life, anorexic-looking, cross-dressing quasi-white honky cracker, dat I has gots mo friggin money in my damn effen coin purse dan da piece of dolphin doo-doo, pee-pee faced, Nazi chump, peckerwood has in his entire checking account and savings account uh huh."
To read more about one of the bitterest individuals to ever put on a pair of womens boxer shorts log on to www.billmahersux.sux
