Ashley Greene To Star In The New Vampire Movie, "Lady Labia - The Scourgess of The Carpathian Mountains"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 27 November 2010

image for Ashley Greene To Star In The New Vampire Movie, "Lady Labia - The Scourgess of The Carpathian Mountains"
Ashley Greene waiting at LAX Airport to be 'patted down.' (Photo courtesy of Kobe Bryant).

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Ashley Greene was vacationing down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with her personal hair stylist FuFi Fondue.

Greene who portrays Alice Cullen in the extraordinary Twilight Saga series told a reporter for The Cabo San Lucas Morning Olé News that she wanted to do a little something special for FuFi since he does a fantastically amazing job on her hair.

At first she offered to have him accompany her to Paris, France, but FuFi said that his French was not that good. She then suggested that they travel to Rome, Italy, and Fondue remarked that his Italian was even worse than his French.

Finally Ashley asked him if he could speak Spanish.

Fondue replied, "Un poquitito, which in English means a little bitty bit.

So Greene booked their flight to Cabo where they stayed at The El Super Matador Hotel, which is the only hotel in Cabo San Lucas where such well known celebrities stay including, Jessica Simpson, Pamela Anderson, Sandra Bullock, Mark Ballas, and Bristol Palin.

Ashley was asked if she was afraid that the rumor mill would churn out that her and FuFi Fondue were having an affair. She laughed and remarked that she has known FuFi for five years and that he is as gay as Elton John, Clay Aiken, Rosie O'Donnell, and Nathan Lane all rolled up into one gay guy.

She was then asked about her next movie project which will have her starring in Bandini Borrapelli's vampire classic, Lady Labia - The Scourgess of The Carpathian Mountains.

Ashley replied that the movie is based on the award winning book by Hamilton T. Applecreek who has also written other vampire classics such as The Vitriolic Vampires of Vermont, The Curse of The Vampire Beef Curtains, and The Erotic Vampire Voodoo Rituals of London.

The motion picture which is a Mountain Peak Films production in association with The Candlelight Motion Picture Company will also amazingly co-star three of Ashley's former boyfriends including Brock Kelly, Chace Crawford, and Jackson Rathbone, but not her current boyfriend Joe Jonas.

Ashley has stated that ever since she was a little girl growing up in Jacksonville, Florida she wanted to one day grow up and play the part of Lady Labia.

The motion picture was to have been filmed in the Mexican state of Yucatan, but because of the unbelievably dangerous situation due to Yucatan's Green Guacamole Drug Cartel, the movie shoot has now been moved to Camel Toe, Afghanistan.

Direct From Rumor Central: Anderson Cooper has stated that the picture taken of him riding on the handlebars of a bicycle being driven by Ricky Martin in New York's Central Park was positively photoshopped.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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