Winehouse Attacked By Horseflies

Written by Nick Hobbs

Monday, 26 July 2010

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Amy Winehouse leaving hospital yesterday.

Only days after Cheryl Coal was viciously probed by a passing mozzie, fellow whiney bint Amie Winehouse has been brutally attacked by a swarm of horseflies.

The donkey-toothed, horse-faced mare was munching on grass outside her London home when the attack occurred.

"We heard this buzzing getting louder," said Wonderbuck Tagsley, neighbour of Wino, "it was reminiscent of a swarm of bees, I looked out and saw this black mass swamping Miss Winehouse."

"She was squealing and squeaking, flailing her arms around," he continued, "I just thought she was practicing a new routine! Then I saw the huge red welts appearing all over her skin."

From his vantage point by the kitchen window, Mr Tagsley veiwed the viscious attack through a sophisticated telephoto lens. After snapping in excess of 400 shots, Mr Tagsley realised something was wrong.

"I noticed that Winehorse had dropped to the floor and stopped moving," he said, "so I decided to call an ambulance."

Paramedics arrived on scene and attended to the fifty or so bites that were covering Miss Whinnyhorse's body. They immediately transfered the ailing starlet to St.Hoofs General in Horsley.

The singer is said to be recovering well, although she has been diagnosed as having filarial worms, a common symptom of horse-fly bites.

Doctors told us she would need rest and relaxation for a few days, but she would soon be allowed out for a gentle canter in the paddock.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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