Written by The Jonner

Wednesday, 21 July 2010


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Unconfirmed reports seem to indicate that 'singer' Peter Andre has been admitted to a mental institution after suffering a total and irreversible breakdown.

Sources are believed to have called for Andre to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act due to a psychotic episode triggered, it is alleged, by the former husband of big titted, small brained 'model' Katie Price hearing the vocal for his new single without it having gone through the filter first.

"He just screamed," said studio engineer and co-producer of the planned release, "I Love My Fans So, So Much," Mike "Mike Scrambler" Scrambler. "He carried on screaming, then threw himself on to the floor, pulling at his ears, as if to tear them off." Another witness, who chose to remain unidentified is reported to have said, "He just fucking flipped. Went nuts instantly. He tried to set the mixing desk on fire, saying, 'This can't be allowed to see the light of day! Do I really sound like this? Gaaaaaahhhhhh!' Ironically, he hit a perfect high note on his last scream before the medics got the Thorazine in him."

Before being escorted away, Andre kicked everyone else out of the studio and started playing the master tapes of his previous work, alternatively crying like a bereaved child and ranting like Adolf Hitler in his Berlin Bunker. In an act that psychiatrists are interpreting as a form of self analysis, Andre climbed up on the mixing desk after failing to ignite it and defecated.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Peter Andre

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