Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

image for Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato To Record Kelly Clarkson's Big Hit "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It, My Bad"
A photo taken of Alcatraz Federal Prison during its hey day.

SAN FRANCISCO - The trio of teen queens was in the "City By The Bay" visiting the historic Alcatraz Federal Prison. Miley said that her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, knew several men who had actually been incarcerated in the prison out in the middle of San Francisco Bay.

Selena said that she believes she had a distant relative who had spent some time there. And Demi said that one of her cousins had a geography teacher whose husband had spent four years as an inmate at the prison known as "The Rock."

The three girls took a guided tour and were disgusted by how horrible the place stunk.

The tour guide, Judy Goodwoman, said that the San Francisco City Council recently spent $74,000 to purchase over a hundred different types of cleaning agents, disinfectants, and cans of Wizard Air Freshener.

Miley replied, "Shit, the friggin place still smells like it's home to about 90 hogs." Judy, their personal tour guide, laughed and said that as a matter a fact, three years ago they had pens with about 100 pigs, but they had to move them over to Sausalito because the pigs could not get used to the horrendously horrible smell of the prison.

Selena was asked about the new song project that the three had entered into. She was quite happy as she said that they had recorded the Kelly Clarkson song "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It, My Bad."

Miley said that it is a tender teenage love story about a young horny boy, a young naive girl, and the age old sexual act of 'fellasuckitis.'"

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We all know that Miley meant to say 'fellatio' but with her it came out 'fellasuckitis.']

Demi chimed in and added that each of the three girls was going to record it individually, but then Clarkson called them all up and suggested that it would be an ever greater hit if all three recorded it.

Miley thought it was a great idea, especially since it kind of goes with the recent topical goings on with her and her 'no panties' newspaper, TV, and Internet stories.

The trio of teen divas hope to perform the song at Derek Hough's and Cheryl Cole's wedding if and when it takes place.

In other news. Arkansas has just passed an "Anti-Texting While Driving" Law. The first offense will result in a $500 fine. The second offense will result in being arrested, placed in jail, and beaten repeatedly with a computer keyboard.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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