In a bizarre twist, British actress Emma Watson (41) is to abandon her innocence and cash in the on the growing tidal waves of masculine lust flooding the globe, by appearing in kids entertainment conglomerate Sidney's inaugural step into the lucrative world of adult films.
Geoff Sidney, newly appointed Head of Porn, admitted it that it was a serious diversion from Sidney's normal output, but in the end, both Emma and the studio agreed that it was a no brainer. "This a real coup. There's not a red blooded male on the planet that wouldn't give his wanking arm to see Emma getting a right faceful, amongst other things, as you can imagine". He continued, "We're going to make a fucking fortune, but Emma has insisted that a percentage of the takings goes to her favourite charity, S.H.A.M, which does some great work in getting tax breaks for appallingly rich teenage entertainers".
Post production begins next week, and hopefully filming will commence in the summer, when Emma completes her 'A' level studies in Metalwork and Spelling at Slough Comprehensive.
Daniel Radcliffe was originally lined up together with Rupert Grint to complete the 'Hairy Potter' set, but both admitted that they'd already banged her several times and had now moved on, so 'their hearts just wouldn't be in it'. "Plus", confessed Daniel,"People have seen my knob now and it didn't exactly set the world on fire, so I think I'll be keeping my head down on this occasion."
Emma's agency, AAAAAA Plumbing Services Ltd. have confirmed that several thousand expressions of interest have come in from around the world of showbiz, to step in for Daniel and Rupert. Amongst those were Russell Brand (of course),Kenneth Brannagh, Sir Ben Kingsley, Barrie from Eastenders and Bruce Forsythe. Simon Cowell has already negotiated a record deal on the film sound track and is banking on it being a Christmas No.1.
