Gossip Girl Book Drives Florida Woman to Edge of Insanity

Funny story written by Charpa93

Saturday, 8 May 2010


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These Books Look Innocent Enough on the Outside

Orlando, FL - A woman in a small town outside of Orlando, Florida, dubbed "Auntie Literary," is openly stealing books from her local library in an effort to keep the kinds of books she doesn't want her daughter to read out of other women's daughters' hands too.

One book in particular sparked the Fuhrerin's fury, "Gossip Girl," written by Cecily von Ziegesar. Filled with what Auntie El called "sex, drugs and dirty words," the book has not really caused a stir in this particular library save for her one lone voice, a lonely voice calling out for love, love and acceptance, acceptance and fame, fame that might lead to sex, drugs and dirty words.

As a result of her inability to convince the library staff that "Gossip Girl" is a very dangerous piece of literature, Auntie El has taken similar books from the shelves in the "It Girl" series and is holding them hostage until warning labels are placed on the books that advise teen girls that they shouldn't be reading that trash, or as she puts it, "that smutty smut, that smutty, dirty, awful filthy smutty smut that is turning our sweet young daughters into common whores."

Said one library assistant "It's not a pretty sight to see a grown woman clawing at the book shelves like a raving lunatic, vowing to protect the innocence of all tween and teen women from the smut that is permitted to occupy valuable library shelf space, while her daughter, Carrie, is crouched in the fetal position at the end of the aisle.

Interesting to note, Auntie El had no problem with the series of books based on the hit television series, "Ugly Betty." When asked why that was, given the fact that there was sex, mention of drugs and adult situations just as prevalent in those books, Auntie El answered matter-of-factly, "who would seriously date an ugly girl?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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