HOLLYWOOD - A reliable source, but one who wishes to remain totally anonymous, has stated that this year's gigantic black contestant, Michael Lynche, is in actuality actor Gary Coleman's long lost son Mike Coleman.
The unnamed source said that he knows it to be a fact because he used to be Gary Coleman's hair stylist and he remembers seeing photos of Gary's son Mike Coleman, who he said was taken by his mother who moved to either New Jersey, New Hampshire, or New Guinea; most probably New Guinea.
When Gary Coleman, 42, was asked about the rumor regarding Mike Lynche he smiled and said that he did not want to make a comment for fear of commenting and someone taking his comment all out of context and giving his comment their own take on said comment.
Coleman, who stands 4 foot 8 inches, did say that he does remember having intimate relations with a woman named Foncella Buffalette Starkington, who worked for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus as the Circus Tall Woman. Coleman said that Foncella stood 6 foot 11, and weighed 385, so she could very well be big Michael Lynche's mama.
In a non-related story. Ann Coulter is strongly denying the rumor going around the Atlanta area that she will be outed as being one of Jesse James Cycle Chicks.